Frailty, Thy Name is Woman
by Adamantwrites
Summary: Adam, after being gone from the Ponderosa for many years, sends his young daughter to his father to remove her from a family tragedy. Will Ben be able to help his oldest son when he needs him the most? Disclaimer: All recognizable characters and plots are the property of their respective owners. All original plots and characters are the property of the author.
1. Chapter 1

One

Ben was anxious as he waited for his granddaughter to arrive—a granddaughter he never knew he had. Adam had written and said that he was sending his young daughter to the Ponderosa accompanied by her nurse, Mrs. Maxwell. His wife was no longer, he wrote, and he had been indisposed and therefore, Lilly Elizabeth Cartwright was arriving on the stage from Kansas City to Virginia City on April 6th. Adam wrote that he hoped that someone from the family would be there to meet them and asked that his daughter and the nurse would be welcomed at the Ponderosa. He would arrive once he was well enough to travel and had sold the family home. He also had some business matters to deal with before he could get away. Adam wrote that he hoped he would be welcomed despite his lengthy absence which he acknowledged was more like a disappearance; he offered his apologies and wrote that he now realized—more than ever-how important family was. And then Adam had written "I need your help, Pa." When Ben had read that, he almost wept. Adam needed him.

As Ben waited, pacing back and forth on the sidewalk in front of the stage office, he wondered who Adam had married, what she had looked like. After all, he had never been informed. He and his eldest son had a falling out after he completely recovered from his accident that paralyzed him from the waist down. Adam had lost his fiancée, Laura Dayton, to his cousin, Will Cartwright, and although Adam had been less than devastated, it reminded Adam of his age and the fact that he had nothing to call his own.

"I need to have my own family, my own accomplishments—my life has been a waste." Adam, his hands on his hips, was pacing behind the settee. His walk was still slightly awkward as he said that he still felt occasional pain shooting up his spine.

"But why can't it be here?" Ben asked.

They had been arguing of a sort. Adam said that he was leaving for parts unknown, that he was going out on his own where no one knew him and he knew no one—he had to prove to himself that he could not only survive but flourish as his own man. After all, Adam had said, seeming to delight in throwing it up in his father's face, "Didn't you do the same? Didn't you leave everything and everyone you knew, left all the comforts of Boston to head out for parts unknown? And you were a good ten years plus younger than I am and even had a son to drag along. Look at me, Pa. I'm more than halfway in my life and what have I done? I need to feel fulfillment, as if I accomplished something."

But despite all the things Ben had said, Adam had finally exploded and said that he didn't know why he was wasting his time talking; he didn't need his father's permission and Adam had packed his necessities and left that night and neither Ben nor anyone else had heard from him except once in seven years.

Christmases had passed and the family celebrated but Adam's absence was like a wound that could be easily reopened with a glance or a word. And every May when Adam's birthday rolled around, Hoss and Joe knew their father would be distraught if they mentioned Adam. They learned not to say anything about Adam around their father.

At first Ben nursed his anger with Adam and whenever Adam's name came up, their father's brow furrowed and he gave Hoss and Joe a lecture on how important family was. But they knew that it was just their father's way of handling his grief. And every time one of them brought in the mail or they were in town and stopped by the post office, Ben shuffled the envelopes scanning them for Adam's familiar handwriting but he was always disappointed except for once.

A letter came from Adam after he had been gone a bit over a year and was postmarked Boston. In it, Adam said that he had reached Boston and was visiting an old friend from college, and having the time and the paper available, he was writing to let them know he was well. He wrote that he wished them all good health and that he was leaving Boston in a few days-to where, he wasn't sure, but for them not to worry about him. That was the only letter and eventually, it seemed to Hoss and Joe, that their father gave up expecting to hear from Adam but one morning a year earlier, they went down to breakfast and Hop Sing rushed to shush them. Their father had fallen asleep and was still asleep in his favorite chair, Adam's old letter in his lap. They knew that it was because he had been grieving over the absence of his eldest son. And their father seemed to age more than only the seven years of Adam's absence.


	2. Chapter 2

**Two**

Hoss was excited when he burst into the house. When he had seen the envelope and the return address was A.S. Cartwright, No. 24 Farmington Ave, New Canaan, Connecticut, he had barely been able to contain himself. Amos Sheffield, the post master smiled when he saw Hoss' eyes light up and his wide grin.

"I bet your father'll be glad to get that letter. Been a long time that Adams been gone. Funny, I was sayin' something to Martha just last week that no letter from Adam's come through this office for years. I always said it was strange for a man to just forget his family like that seein' as how all of you're so close and all."

"Yeah, well, Adam's been busy, I'm sure." Hoss decided to let his father read the letter first because it had suddenly occurred to him that for Adam to write after all this time, it was either good news or very bad news so he folded the letter and tucked it in his shirt pocket. The other pieces of mail, a few contracts, from the look of them and some catalogues, he tucked in his saddle bag. Instead of riding quickly, Hoss took his time getting home, preparing what he would say to his father if the letter contained bad news.

'So you two already ate?" Hoss said as he walked in, holding all the mail. Joe and His father were sipping their coffee and still sitting at the table but their plates held remnants of eggs and bread crumbs and their knives and forks were placed neatly on their plates.

"You just took too long getting back from town and so…" Joe couldn't finish because Hop Sing came out from the kitchen looking angry and hurt.

"Why Mistah Hoss so late? Breakfast all cold. Cold eggs, cold ham, cold biscuits. Pah!" Hop Sing made a dismissive movement with his hands. "Hoss like town so much you eat breakfast there from now on!"

"Now, Hop Sing," Hoss said laying the mail on the table while he went around to grab Hop Sing by the arm. "I'm sorry I'm late. Your food cold is twenty times—no-a hunnerd times better than anythin' I could eat in town."

Hop Sing grinned. "Hop Sing make Mistah Hoss eggs—sunny side up. Plenty syrup left for ham. Hop Sing fill pitcher. Mistah Hoss eat now. Sit." And Hop Sing picked up the small syrup pitcher and took it to the kitchen.

"Well, that was a close call," Hoss said but then stopped. Joe was staring at an envelope he held in his hand, having looked at the mail while Hoss was trying to appease Hop Sing. Hoss glanced at his father and saw him watching Joe intently.

Joe looked up at Hoss and then his father. "It's from Adam."

Ben put out his hand and Joe handed the envelope to him; their father wasn't smiling and his hand shook slightly. He held the envelope before him and stared at the sender's address and then picked up his knife, ran it over the napkin on his lap to remove any syrup, and used it to slit open the top. He gently removed the letter, placed the envelope reverently on the table and unfolded the vellum. With the light coming through the window behind Ben, Hoss and Joe could see the watermark; although they were looking at it backwards, it was clear that the paper was expensive quality.

The brothers glanced at one another as they also watched their father silently read the letter from Adam. They tried to discern from their father's expression what the news might be; many emotions passed over his face as he read, Hop Sing waiting, standing at Ben's right shoulder. He had brought Hoss his half dozen fried eggs and tried to read over Bens' shoulder. When he came to the end of the letter, Ben folded it so that it fell into its original creases.

"Well, Pa?" Hoss asked. But his father didn't look at him, just swallowed rapidly.

Ben placed the letter on the table and walked out to the porch without looking at anyone. Joe jumped up and picked up the letter and quickly unfolded it after sitting back down.

"Read it aloud," Hoss said as he put a piece of ham dripping with maple syrup into his mouth.

"What Mistah Adam say that upset Mistah Cartwright?" Hop Sing asked.

"Okay, okay—just a minute. I think Pa left it here for us to read anyway.

'Dear Father,

'I realize that it's been many years since I saw you and I apologize for my cruelty in not writing during the past few years; I always intended to but that is no excuse. It wasn't until recently that I realized how important family really is and the pain I must have caused you by not writing. I finally realize what heartbreak is, when someone you love is gone and the cruelty of it.

'I have a young daughter named Lilly Elizabeth Cartwright and since I have lost my wife, I am sending her to the Ponderosa along with her hired nurse, Mrs. Maxwell. I want Lilly to know her family and since my wife had none, at least to my knowledge, you, Hoss and Joe are her family. I beg you to take them in as I want my daughter as far away from here and all this misfortune as I can send her. I will join my daughter when I am well enough to travel the distance from Connecticut and when I have sold our home in New Canaan.

'You are under no obligation to welcome me back as my absence was more a desertion and a disappearance but my fondest wish is that I will be welcomed. If not me, I hope that you will welcome my daughter as she is merely an innocent child in this family tragedy.

'I need your help, Pa, as I am at a loss as how to continue—my life as I knew it has been shattered and I find that I know not where to turn next.

'Lilly Elizabeth and Mrs. Maxwell should be in Virginia City April 6th on the stage from Kansas City. They will be traveling from here by train up to the point where they must debark and board a stage for the last leg of their lengthy journey. Please have someone to meet them at the stage depot.

'I long to see the Ponderosa and my family—particularly you, Father. Forgive me for any distress I have caused—forgive me, please. although I will never be able to forgive myself.

'Your son,

Adam'

"And that's all it says." Joe handed the letter to Hoss who glanced at it and then put it back at his father's place.

"What do you think, Joe?" Hoss said.

Before Joe could answer, Hop Sing spoke up. "I tell what Hop Sing think! Time that Mistah Adam come home. Mistah Ben, he sick many years he not hear from oldest son but one time before. Now there is granddaughter. She come here to live as family should. All live together and help each other. That Chinese way. That what Hop Sing think!" And with a sniff of disgust, Hop Sing went back into his kitchen, muttering in Chinese.

"What Hop Sing said," Joe said with a nod toward Hop Sing's back, "that's what I think too. So Adam's got a daughter. Wonder how old she is?"

"Well, he's been gone a little over what? Seven years? So she can't be more'n five I'd think but then I ain't never been good at math."

"Wonder how his wife died?" Joe asked.

"Yeah," Hoss said. "I was wonderin' that too. Wonder who she was." Hoss broke open a biscuit and buttered it.

"Knowin' Adam," Joe said, "he'll never tell us." He poured himself more coffee. "Think I should go out and see how Pa is?"

"Nah. Let 'im ponder on it a bit more. He'll talk to us when he's ready."

"Adam would go out after him if Pa left," Joe added.

"Yeah, but you ain't Adam." Hoss saw Joe's hurt expression. "That didn't come out like I meant it," Hoss said. "It's just that we can't take Adam's place."

"I know," Joe said. He managed a smile and poured himself another cup of Hop Sing's coffee.

And Hoss continued to eat but neither brother said another word as they were each lost in their thoughts of how their life would be different and hopefully better from now on since oldest brother was going to come home. And they wondered about what Adam hadn't said in the letter.


	3. Chapter 3

**Three**

"Ben!"

Ben heard his name called, turned and Roy Coffee who was strolling across the street raised his hand in a wave. Ben sighed; he didn't need Roy to needle him about his grandchild arriving without her parents.

"So you're meeting your first grandchild today?" Roy said as he stepped up on the sidewalk. He pulled out his watch. "The stage is late. Where're Hoss and Joe?"

"Home—actually they better be out cutting cattle for spring branding. I thought it would be best if we didn't overwhelm her. She is just a child."

"What's her name again?"

"Lilly. Lilly Elizbeth."

"Lilly. That's a pretty name. I guess Elizabeth after Adam's mother. Wonder why Adam never told you about her before. Don't you wonder that Ben?"

Ben was annoyed. "Yes, Roy, I've wondered." But his attention was drawn away as he saw first the dust and then the coach approaching. "Here she comes," Ben said as he stepped back. He was suddenly aware of how nervous he was. Adam's daughter. His and Elizabeth's grandchild.

The coach came to a stop and the depot master came out with the steps for the people exiting the stage. Ben stepped back but remained standing, waiting. He wasn't disappointed because the first people out were an older, plump woman staidly dressed in a brown traveling suit and once she debarked with the assistance of the depot master, she turned and put out her hand and small girl with her tried to manage the steps. She clasped a rag doll in one arm, obviously an old one that was well-loved from the shape it was in.

Ben found he couldn't speak. He stared at the child who was probably around three years of age. She was beautiful with Adam's black hair that fell in ringlets and her eyes were a deep brown like his own. Her complexion was pale but she possessed the rosy, round cheeks of a small child and the cupid-bow mouth. She was dressed in a deep-rose velvet dress and a matching manteaux with lace on the edges of the white cuffs and collar and the ends of the pantalets that showed under the skirt of the dress. It had multiple petticoats making it full. She also wore pristine white stocking and black patent shoes and topping it off, a dyed blue straw boater with a ribbon holding it on under her chin.

The woman stood holding the child's gloved hand and stared at Ben who was in awe of his beautiful granddaughter. The child looked up at him.

"Ben." Roy nudged his friend and Ben returned to the moment.

"Mrs. Maxwell?" he asked.

"Yes, sir. Are you Mr. Cartwright?"

"Yes, and this must be Lilly." Ben kneeled down to see the child at eye-level but the girl hid her face in her nurse's skirt.

"Now, Lilly, remember what you father told you, that you would be meeting your grandfather and that you must love him as he loves you. Now can you be a polite young lady and give him a kiss on the cheek?"

Lilly, her face still his in her nurse's skirt, shook her head, no. The nurse began to chastise her for being rude and Ben interrupted.

"It's all right, Mrs. Maxwell. I'm certain that all the traveling has taken its toll on the child. She just needs to settle down. I brought the buggy and—oh, let me introduce you. This is a friend of mine who just so happens to be the sheriff of Virginia City—Roy Coffee."

Roy removed his hat and smiled at Mrs. Maxwell. Roy thought she had a friendly, kind face and she put out her hand and told him that she was pleased to meet him. "Let me help you with your luggage," Roy said and he picked up the portmanteaus that had been placed on the step by the driver and the station master. He placed them in the boot of Ben's buggy and then stepped back.

"Thank you, Roy," Ben said. "Keep them company for a bit while I send Adam a wire telling him that they're here." Ben rushed off to the telegraph office and hurriedly wrote the slip for the telegram, placed the cost and a bit more on the counter and then hurried back. Roy and Mrs. Maxwell were conversing, Lilly pulling on her nurse's skirts and asking to go home, and Roy seemed to be more gracious than usual. "The old dog," Ben muttered to himself.

"Well, excuse us, Roy. Let me get my granddaughter home." Ben swept Lilly up and placed her on the seat and then helped Mrs. Maxwell up to sit beside the child.

With a quick goodbye to Ben and his guests, Mrs. Maxwell waving from her seat, Roy watched the Cartwright buggy head toward the Ponderosa.

"He seemed to be in an awful hurry," the depot master said as he stood by Roy and watched the buggy leave.

"Yeah, he did. I think Ben's nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. He's got a grandchild he never knew about and she didn't seem to take to him any. Life's a strange animal, ain't it?" Roy said.

"It sure is. You're goin' along fine and then the ground drops out from under you." The depot master sighed. "Well, got to send the stage to the livery for a stock change." He turned and left but Roy watched until there was nothing of the buggy but the dust settling from where the wheels had raised it.

On the way to the Ponderosa, Ben tried to get Lilly to look at him or say something but she crowded next to her nurse, trying to move as far away from Ben as she could. She had tried to climb onto Mrs. Maxwell's lap but the woman told her to sit politely like a lady between her and her grandfather. So after unsuccessfully trying to engage Lilly, Ben decided that he would wait until she became more comfortable around him; then he would begin anew but it was hard not to hug her to him and kiss her and he was surprised at how he had so quickly and thoroughly fallen in love with the child.

"Well, Mrs. Maxwell, did you have a nice trip?"

"Yes, sir, fine." But then she rethought. "Actually, sir, it's been quite stressful, not just for me but for Miss Lilly too. So much has happened and then to be sent away…I'm sorry, sir, about her behavior. We aren't in the habit of indulging her but she's been through so much." Mrs. Maxwell put her arm around Lilly who laid her head in her nurse's lap. Mrs. Maxwell untied the ribbon and removed the child's hat and still hugging her doll, the child seemed to relax and within a few minutes she was gently sleeping, the movements of the buggy rocking her.

"Have we far to go, sir?"

"It's quite a distance, Mrs. Maxwell, and I don't want to rattle Lilly by going too fast, so it will be longer than normal. She seems to be sleeping."

"Yes sir. She hasn't slept much, my poor lamb."

"Mrs. Maxwell, my son wrote that his wife, Lilly's mother-I'm assuming she was Lily's mother-died and that he was 'indisposed'. What exactly happened?"

Mrs. Maxwell started to speak and then thought better. "I wasn't aware she had died." Ben noticed that Mrs. Maxwell seemed truly upset and she looked down at Lilly again. "Are you sure that the Mister said that she died?"

"Well…" Ben started and then he paused, thinking. "Perhaps I made a hasty assumption. My son said, I believe, that she was no longer with them. I just, well, no, he didn't say that she had died." Ben noticed that Mrs. Maxwell seemed relieved. "What do you know about the situation?"

Mrs. Maxwell pulled herself up straighter. "My employer prefers to keep such matters private and to be honest, sir, I'm not sure that I could give you a satisfactory answer. All I can say is that…Mr. Cartwright gave me instructions to bring Lilly to you and to stay with her; that's all I know. That is if it's to your liking that I stay."

"Of course, it is. Besides, after seeing the two of you, I think Lilly would be distraught if you left her as well. If you can tell me, did Lilly, well, was she close to her mother?"

Mrs. Maxwell looked ahead and seemed to be trying to control her emotions. "I believe she loved Lilly very much. She was always kind and good to the child—and to me as well."

"My son…he loves her as well?"

"Oh, yes, sir. I think he loves the Missus despite his actions…oh, you mean the child." Mrs. Maxwell bushed slightly. "Oh, yes, sir. He adores Lilly. Never have doubts about that."

Ben smiled. "Thank you, Mrs. Maxwell. I think that loving parents makes a child secure and happy—and if the parents love each other, well, that makes things even better." And as they rode across the Ponderosa on their way to the house, Ben pointed out various trees to his guest and they even saw deer and a jackrabbit and Mrs. Maxwell smiled. But Ben was puzzled over her comment about Adam and "the Missus."

"I think Lilly will enjoy being here," she said. "Fresh air is good for a child. Will there be other children around? Any other grandchildren? Neighbors?"

"I'm sorry to have to say no. I have no other grandchildren and we live far from the nearest neighbors but they have no children anyway. But don't worry; Lilly will have enough company."

Ben smiled when he saw that the answer pleased Mrs. Maxwell and he was happy; he had his first grandchild with him and even though she seemed to be apprehensive toward him, Ben knew that with time, she would be hugging his neck and he would be able to hold her and kiss her pink cheeks. But Ben wondered what Lilly's mother had looked like and if Adam had loved her—really loved her. And Mrs. Maxwell's' words, "…despite his actions," stayed with Ben and he wondered just what they meant.


	4. Chapter 4

**Four**

"I'm sorry, sir," Mrs. Maxwell said as Lilly still refused to speak or even look at any of the Cartwrights the first two days she was there. She clung to her nurse and it was all that Mrs. Maxwell could do to keep Lilly in her own seat at dinner since she tried to crawl in her nurse's lap, whining to be held, and it took much encouragement for the child to agree to eat anything. Hop Sing tried his best to make what he believed children would like, fried chicken and mashed potatoes, but Lilly just sat and looked down, kicking her shoes together until Mrs. Maxwell made her stop the noise.

When Lilly had first arrived at the Ponderosa, still sleepy but awake, both Hoss and Joe were waiting. They were supposed to be out on the property but this was too much of a draw. So when Mrs. Maxwell was still holding the child, Hoss and Joe began to fuss over her and the child shrank away, hiding her head. The two stepped back and looked puzzled at each other. Usually children loved them, took to them right away but here their own niece wanted nothing to do with them.

"Why don't you take her in the house, Mrs. Maxwell," Ben had said. "Upstairs, third room on the left is for Lilly; you have the room across the hall."

"If it's all the same, Mr. Cartwright," Mrs. Maxwell said, "I'll room with the child. I always have, ever since she came back from the wet nurse. If I change the habit now it would be too upsetting; she's been upset so much lately. She needs to have someone with her."

"Oh, well, of course—if you think it's for the best." Ben looked at his sons who were standing by helplessly and their feelings had been hurt that their niece was avoiding them. "Hoss, Joe, take the cases upstairs to the bedroom with the two singles." Ben turned back to Mrs. Maxwell. "You let me know if there's anything you need."

"Yes, sir. Thank you." She nodded to Hoss and Joe who picked up all the pieces of luggage and led their guests into the house.

Hop Sing who had come out of the kitchen to meet the guests but decided to keep back instead said, "What wrong with child? Why she so scared? I know mother gone and father not here, but why she so afraid?"

Ben turned to Hop Sing and vented his frustration on his cook. "How the hell do I know what's wrong? She wouldn't have anything to do with me either and you don't see me getting upset!"

"If you no upset," Hops Sing said, his jaw jutting forward and his hands flailing, "why you yell?" And Hop Sing turned and walked back to the kitchen asking the air, "Why you yell at Hop Sing?"

Ben sighed deeply. Events hadn't been as he had envisioned; his beautiful granddaughter wanted nothing to do with him and that broke his heart. He tried to see the matter intellectually as he knew that today was the first time they had met, but he had hoped to find a link to Adam in the child but she had behaved as any stranger's child would have behaved toward him. But then Adam had become a stranger these past years and Ben finally realized it.

It took Lilly quite a while before she became comfortable with the all-male household but Ben was finally able to kiss her goodnight although she quickly ran to her nurse as soon as he did. Then they would go upstairs to bed.

"You think her ma being dead has kinda made her so…I don't know…skittish?" Hoss was usually good with children but Lilly was standoffish and just shook her head no when he offered to let her ride on his horse with him or to play a game of checkers.

"I don't think she knows her mother's dead," Joe said quietly.

"What do you mean?" Hoss asked.

"Well, my room's next to theirs and the other night when I was in there reading, I could hear Lilly asking Mrs. Maxwell when her mother was coming for her. Mrs. Maxwell said that her father would tell her that when he came to see her and then Lilly asked where her 'papa' was."

"And?" Hoss was eager to hear more. He had asked his father about Adam's wife, how she had died, but Ben had just snapped at him and said that he knew nothing; no one felt it necessary to keep him informed about anything anymore and then he stormed out leaving Hoss open-mouthed.

"Mrs. Maxwell said that as soon as he was through with his business back home and felt better that he would come visit her. And then Lilly started to whine and fuss, you know, like children do when they're tired and don't know what they want and Mrs. Maxwell started telling her that you were her 'papa's' brother and wasn't that funny? She also said that Lilly should make certain to kiss you goodnight every night like a good child does to her relatives, like she kisses her papa and her momma."

"What happened then?" Hoss asked.

"Lilly just cried until she fell asleep. There was nothing Mrs. Maxwell could say or do that made her happy. She offered to read to her, to sing to her—Lilly wouldn't have anything but her momma and kept crying for her."

Ben, who had been sitting and listening, shook his head with concern. "That poor child, that sweet little child. I wish Adam would hurry up and get here." And Ben pulled out his pipe and packed it. He struck a match and held it to the bowl, puffing on it.

"Member when I'd light your pipe, Pa?" Hoss asked.

"Oh, yeah," Joe said giggling. "You almost set Pa's nose on fire one time when you held the match too close."

The three began to reminisce about the good times they had when Hoss and Joe were children, laughing and joking, until Joe mentioned Adam and then quiet fell.

"I think I'll turn in," Hoss said. But he stopped, a thoughtful look on his face. "Pa, you think Lilly'd like a pony?"

Ben slapped his palm on the chair arm. "Hoss, I think that's an excellent idea. Go see Conover. He's got those ponies. Buy one—a pretty one."

"I sure will, Pa. Think they'll have a pink one?" Ben and Joe laughed and Ben felt a little more optimistic—but he hoped Adam would hurry.

Lilly adored the pony but had never been on a pony or alone on a horse before and she was afraid of it.

"Is it gonna bite me?" Lilly said, standing away. Hoss had convinced Lilly to come outside to see her new pony.

"Nah, she won't bite," Hoss said. "Here, I'll show you how to make friends with her."

"What's her name?" Lilly asked, still holding back.

"Sunny—she's got that yellow coat, kinda like the sun. But now if you don't like Sunny, we can name her anything you want. Do you want to name her something else?"

Lilly shook her head no. "My Momma's got a horse—a big, grey one that she rides all the time at our other house. Its name is Phantom and my Papa, he's got bunches of horses at our house and he and Momma go riding all the time. Sometimes Papa takes me on his horse and I get to help with the reins."

"Your other house?" Hoss asked.

Lilly nodded. "We got two houses. We got one in the city. Momma calls that the business house 'cause that's where Papa has his rolls of papers that got drawings of houses and buildings and all. But Momma and I like the country house best 'cause that's where her horses are and the cats for the stable. I get to pet the cats and they sometimes have kittens but Papa gives them away 'cause he says we have too many cats and not enough mice."

Hoss looked at Joe who was standing with them and watching and Joe gave an almost imperceptible shrug implying that he didn't know what to do.

"How about we give Sunny some sugar? Would you like that?" Lily nodded and Hoss showed her how to place a sugar loaf in her flat palm and offer it. Lilly did as Hoss showed but the first time she felt the pony's chin hairs on her hand, she dropped the sugar and pulled her arm back.

"She tickled me," Lilly said. Hoss laughed and then Lilly giggled too.

"C'mere, Sweet Pea," Hoss said picking Lilly up and holding her in one arm and kneeling down. "Watch me again." Hoss showed Lilly how to feed Sunny another sugar loaf and then Joe came out with carrots. He showed Lilly how to hold the carrot and Lilly laughed at Sunny's flexible upper lip and the sound she made as she snapped the piece of carrot off. Then Joe handed Lilly a carrot and she fed the pony.

"So you like Sunny?" Joe asked as he kneeled next to Hoss. Hoss maneuvered so that Lilly could pat Sunny's neck.

"I like her lots. Wait 'til my momma sees Sunny."

Hoss and Joe exchanged glances and Mrs. Maxwell who had been watching and smiling came forward.

"Now, Miss Lilly. We have to get some clothes for you to wear to feed your pony. After all, you'll have to take care of her too, won't she Mr. Hoss?"

"Yes, ma'am, that's right. How'd you like to go into Virginia City tomorrow, you, me and Mrs. Maxwell and buy you some cowboy clothes? And you know what? I think I can find me a nickel in my pocket to buy some penny candy for a certain little Sweet Pea."

Lilly nodded and then she put her small arms around Hoss' neck and kissed his cheek.

"Why thank you, Lilly. I do believe that's the sweetest kiss I ever done got, as sweet as one of them sugar loaves."

Lilly giggled.

"Hey, what about me?" Joe complained. "Don't I get a kiss?" And Lilly, still giggling, reached out an arm and Joe moved close enough so that she put could her arm around his neck while Hoss held her. She kissed Joe's cheek as well.

"Mmmm, mmmmm!" Joe said. "You're the prettiest girl to ever kiss me!"

And Ben, who had been standing at the door to the barn smiled. It seemed that Lilly was finally warming up to them; she had even taken to kissing him goodnight without Mrs. Maxwell's prompting and Ben's heart soared whenever her little voice would call out, "Grampa." But it was almost two weeks and no word had yet arrived from Adam. Ben wondered if Adam was going to abandon his daughter, leave her in their care now that his child was safely on the Ponderosa. Something wasn't right—Ben knew it and had the urge to travel to Connecticut and see matters for himself—but that would be foolish and he doubted he would be welcome.


	5. Chapter 5

**Five**

Although Lilly had warmed to Hoss and Joe and was starting to trust Ben, she was leery of Hop Sing but fascinated with his queue. Then one morning Lilly came down for breakfast with Mrs. Maxwell and she sat proudly at the table. Lilly had begged to have her hair in a high, long braid as Hop Sing wore his and Mrs. Maxwell complied although the child's curls fought their way out from the thick, woven sections of hair.

Hoss and Joe looked at one another and smiled as Lilly sat waiting for someone to notice and she didn't have to wait long.

"What this?" Hop Sing said grinning as he brought out a glass of milk to place before Lilly.

"I have a ponytail like you," Lilly said excitedly, practically bouncing in her chair.

"You little Chinese girl now," Hop Sing said, patting her on the head. Lilly smiled and looked down shyly. "Hop Sing give you Chinese name. I call you Meiying. That mean beautiful flower."

"Meiying," Lilly said and she grinned widely. Lilly smiled all through breakfast.

Mrs. Maxwell had spoken to Ben the night before about how long he was going to allow her to stay. She had put Lilly down to sleep and in her robe and her graying hair in a long braid for the night, she had approached Ben with the question.

"I see no reason for you to leave, Mrs. Maxwell. Lilly obviously loves you, trusts you, and she needs a woman around here. You also can take care of many of her needs far better than any of us can and you know her better. As far as I'm concerned," Ben added, "you're a part of the family the same as Hop Sing."

"Why thank you, Mr. Cartwright. Of course, after Mr. Cartwright…it does get confusing, doesn't it?" She smiled and Ben chuckled. "What I mean is," she continued, "after Lilly's father arrives, he may dismiss me and I wondered, I suppose, if he hadn't yet done so in a wire and you had been too kind to tell me."

"No need to be concerned," he said. "Now that you're here, I consider myself your employer and I insist that you stay. And I have heard nothing from…Lilly's father."

"Thank you, sir. I'll be saying goodnight then."

She turned to go upstairs but Ben called her back.

"Yes, sir?"

"Does Lilly know that her mother is supposedly dead? You never were quite clear on her…demise?" Ben waited. Mrs. Maxwell stood as if stunned.

"Sir, I…" She stumbled on the words. "I am not one to gossip, sir, and I do not like talking about the Mister and Missus, but…I honestly don't know about what you speak."

"What do you mean?" Ben sat forward; he was determined to know what had happened. "Please sit, Mrs. Maxwell." She sat tentatively on the edge of the chair across from Ben. "What exactly do you know, Mrs. Maxwell? Adam had written that he had lost his wife so we all initially assumed that she was…"

Mrs. Maxwell began to protest that she wasn't free to speak of such things but Ben interrupted her. "I know that your loyalties lie with my son and his family but please, I need to know if for no other reason than for Lilly's sake. She constantly asks about her mother and I don't know what to tell her. If her mother is dead, then the child needs to be told and I am appalled that Adam—her father—hasn't told her. He's not one to shy away from doing what needs to be done but if she's alive and there's going to be a reunion, then Lilly should be told that as well."

Mrs. Maxwell sighed. "You're right of course, Mr. Cartwright. I'll tell you what I know but it's not much. Mr. and Mrs. Cartwright…"

"What's her name? I don't even know the first name of my daughter-in-law."

"Vivian. Her name is Vivian."

"Vivian. Vivian Cartwright." Ben said the name and tried to imagine what type of woman she was.

"Yes, sir, Vivian. A beautiful woman. They were a stunning couple and when she was on the Mister's arm, heads turned. People admired the two of them. They were so happy or so it seemed to me and employees know and see more than one may think." Ben smiled thinking of Hop Sing; he always knew what was going on in the household. "Well, sir, it was late at night and a sound woke me—as if something heavy had landed on the floor. They were having a row. Their room was above the nursery and although the sounds and words were muffled, I could tell by the tone that things were bad. Anyway, they had rows on occasion, mild ones where the Mister always gave in to her, but there was something about this one—it was different.

"I lay in bed trying to go back to sleep when I heard a knock on the nursery door and it was the Mister and he looked—he looked as if he could kill. I can't describe it except to say that he looked like a madman. He frightened me; I wouldn't have been surprised if he had pulled a gun and shot us all and then himself. He told me to pack a few things for Lilly and for me and to be quick about it—the carriage would be waiting to take us to the country house. He told me to keep Lilly there in the country until he told me otherwise. I did as I was told even though, when the door was open, I could hear the Missus from upstairs. She was pounding on a door—I assume it was her bedroom door—the Mister and the Missus had separate rooms as is the way it's done with the upper classes—and she was begging him to unlock it and to let her out. She sounded piteous, begging, pleading for him to not take her child away and to let her out. The Mister noticed my expression I suppose, and told me to mind my own business and do what I was told-so I did.

"But before I left with Lilly, I went upstairs quietly so the Mister wouldn't hear me; the Missus' cries broke my heart. By now, she must have been exhausted and I could hear her weeping on the other side of the door. I imagine that she was sunk against it. I let her know that I was to take Lilly to the country and then she begged me to let her out of the room, said that the Mister had locked her in and to please get a knife or such and to work the lock as he had the key. I told her I couldn't do such a thing—the Mister was in a state and I feared to anger him and then she was quiet. The only other thing she said was for me to take care of Lilly and to tell the child that her mother loved her.

"That's all I know sir except that the next day, the Mister sent a wire through his lawyer with instructions to bring Lilly here…and he said that the Missus was no longer with us. He said that he would join us here in Nevada once he was well-enough. I did as instructed. My fear is that he killed her but then…well, the wire wouldn't make sense. Besides, he loved the Missus—almost violently. He was more indulgent of her than he ever was of Lilly and he seemed to live for his wife, Miss Vivian. I can't believe he would harm her unless he lost his mind—truly went mad but then the way he looked…. But she was his joy. Oh, he loves his daughter greatly but the Missus…his love for her was so obvious, his pride in her beauty showed. Oh, how he adored her. And they were always so happy together and in each other's company. It was a happy house up to that night."

Ben sighed. "Thank you, Mrs. Maxwell. I'll have to wait then until I hear from my son."

"Yes, sir. Goodnight." She turned and walked upstairs and Ben puffed on his pipe and he fell into deep thought. It sounded like a family tragedy indeed and Ben was glad that his granddaughter was safely ensconced upstairs and surrounded by a cocoon of their love. No one would harm his granddaughter—no one. Not even Adam.


	6. Chapter 6

**Six**

"Nana," Lilly said as she sat on her bed in her nightgown, her bare feet swinging over the edge as she watched Mrs. Maxwell finish her dressing, smoothing out her skirts in front of the mirror, "you sure look pretty but why are you getting all dressed up?"

"Sheriff Coffee is coming over. You met him in town on the day we came to town. Do you remember him?" Mrs. Maxwell smoothed her hair down and then her skirt again. It had been so long since she had been out on any social occasion, so long since she had any man's attention.

"No. I don't 'member him."

"It's 'remember', Lilly. You know that your father wants you to speak properly like your mother. Sheriff Coffee is the one who put our bags in your grandfather's buggy. Do you remember that?" Lilly just shrugged. Then there was a knock on the door and Mrs. Maxwell, grinning, went to open the door.

Joe stood grinning. "You Prince Charming is here."

Mrs. Maxwell blushed. "Now don't go teasing me, Joseph." And Joe giggled. Mrs. Maxwell turned to Lilly. "Now you be a good girl, my lamb, and go to bed when you're told and do what your grandfather and uncles tell you." She went and kissed Lilly's cheek. "I won't be gone long." And she started to go down the stairs. She was almost at the landing when Lilly came shrieking down the stairs and Joe followed her, looking upset. He grabbed up the child who was red-faced and sobbing uncontrollably.

"Don't go away—take me with you." Lilly shrieked again and twisted in Joe's arms, trying to get down, her bare legs flailing.

"It's okay, Lilly," Joe said soothingly. "We'll play games and have lots of fun." But Lilly would have none of him and tried to wriggle from Joe's arms, crying desperately. Ben and Hoss stood amazed since earlier, Lilly was so calm and happy and now the child was hysterical.

Roy Coffee stood and was amazed as well. Mrs. Maxwell looked at Roy and then reached up for Lilly and Joe gave her the child who wrapped her arms around her nurse's neck and clung to her, sobs making her chest heave but she began to quiet immediately.

"It's all right, my darling, my little lamb. I won't leave you. I won't leave." Mrs. Maxwell carried Lilly downstairs and looked apologetically at Roy. "I'm sorry," she said, "but I think it's best I stay here."

"Now that's foolish," Ben said. "You and Roy go have a nice time at the dance and we'll take care of Lilly. She won't cry long after you've gone." He reached for Lilly but the child clamped her legs tightly around her nurse and hid her face against the woman's neck.

"No," Mrs. Maxwell said. "Right now, I'm all she thinks she has. I'm sorry you came all the way out here and I would have liked to go."

"Well," Roy said. "What about if I stay and when the child's asleep, we sit on the porch awhile. I mean seeing as how I came all this way, I may as well have some of Hop Sing's coffee and some pleasant conversation. And you look mighty pretty and smell good too."

Mrs. Maxwell blushed. "Well, if you don't mind waiting…"

"Not at all. I'll beat Ben here in a checker game to pass the time."

"Oho, you think so!" Ben remarked. The two men chuckled and Mrs. Maxwell carried Lilly up the stairs.

Hoss hadn't said anything but had watched in surprise at the violence of Lilly's emotions. But now he spoke up. "Pa, Lilly needs her parents. Where the hell is Adam?"

"Yeah," Joe said. "We haven't heard anything from him. You think he's taken off again?"

"Of course not," Ben replied. "Now, Roy, let's see who beats who." And Ben and Roy went to the round table where the checker board sat and each took their chairs and began to play. Roy won three games in a row before Mrs. Maxwell came down; Ben just hadn't been able to concentrate.

It was a beautiful afternoon and Ben sat at his desk going over the counts of spring calves. His stock had increased greatly and it looked to be a good year for beef. Not only that, but Hoss had made a good timber sale to the New Harbor Construction company. Hoss had turned into a decent businessman; his good nature seemed to make people less inclined to bicker over price in fear he was cheating them. Nevertheless, he didn't have the sharpness of mind that Adam had. Adam was also more attuned to a lie and the strategy of others so he looked to make a shrewd bargain and usually did. Hoss began on the assumption that everyone involved in a business deal was on the up and up and went from there. But Ben was satisfied with the timber deal.

Ben stopped and listened. He heard a buggy pull into the yard. He stood up and looked out the high window behind him. It was a man wearing a tweed business suit, a fedora perched on his head. But even with the long sideburns and the mustache that the man had, Ben recognized Adam. He rushed to the front door and threw it open just as Adam leapt down from the buggy seat, having tied the reins to the side frame of the buggy seat.

"Adam!" Ben said as he went to his son and the two shook hands.

"Easy, Pa," Adam said. "My shoulder was hurt and it's just returning to normal. It's good to see you. It's good to be home." And Ben noticed the break in Adam's voice. And then Adam pulled his father to him and gave him a quick hug.

Ben again stood at arm's length and looked at Adam; his hair was turning gray at the temples and he had deeper lines around his eyes. "I'm glad you're here, son. Damn glad you're here."

Then from the barn, they both heard Lilly. "Papa, Papa." She came running out of the barn and Adam stooped down.

"Lillabeth!" He said and she ran to his outstretched arms. He clasped her to him and stood up holding his daughter. "Oh, I missed you, baby. I missed you so much!" He kissed her cheeks and she struggled a bit to free herself. "Be careful, sweetheart. I hurt my shoulder."

"Where, Papa?" Lilly asked.

"Here," Adam said pointing to his right shoulder. Lilly bent her small head and kissed the spot. "Thank you, Lillabeth. It feels better already."

Lilly smiled. "Papa, I gots a pony named Sunny. And I got boots too. See!" She stuck her foot out as Adam held her. Hoss came out of the barn grinning and Mrs. Maxwell came from the house, still holding her darning in one hand.

"A pony, huh?" He smiled at his daughter's obvious joy. "I also see that you're wearing dungarees and boots. You helping round-up cattle yet, cowgirl?"

"No," she said taking the question seriously, "but Hop Sing lets me help him milk the cows and I know how to feed the chickens and Papa, the pigs are stinky and…" Lilly looked at the buggy. "Where's Momma? Didn't Momma come? Where's Momma?"

"No, Lillabeth, Momma didn't come." Adam readjusted Lilly in his arms so that her weight was in the crook of his left arm. "What's with this ponytail? Where are your bows and curls?"

"I got a ponytail like Hop Sing now."

"Well, it's a mighty fine one. Is Mrs. Maxwell here?"

"I'm here, sir. It's good to see you." Mrs. Maxwell walked over to where Adam stood with his father and Hoss who had walked up and slapped Adam on the back and welcomed him home.

"Papa," Lilly said as she placed both hands on either side of his face to keep his attention. "Where's Momma? I want Momma. Where is she?"

"We'll talk about it later." Adam placed Lilly back on the ground. "Mrs. Maxwell, will you take Lilly into the kitchen." Adam bent down to look at his daughter. "I brought a trunk with all your things—your books and toys and I also brought your favorite dresses and all your hair ribbons. Now I'm sure Hop Sing has some cookies so why don't you have Mrs. Maxwell take you inside for some while I talk to your grandfather and take care of the luggage, okay?"

Lilly pouted. "But I wanted Momma to…"

"Lilly, do as I say," Adam said sharply. He took a deep breath and moderated his tone. "Now go in the house." Adam stood up and pulled off his hat and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Come with me, Lilly," Mrs. Maxwell said as she took Lilly's hand. "My goodness, you need to wash those hands before you eat anything."


	7. Chapter 7

**Seven**

"Well," Ben said to Adam, "I'm glad you're finally here."

"Me too," Hoss said.

"Why? Has Lilly been trouble?" Adam looked to his father and then to Hoss.

"No. Did it ever occur to you Adam that we missed you?" Ben said.

Adam looked down and then said quietly. "Yes, it occurred to me. Has Lilly been a problem though?"

"She's no problem, no trouble at all. Actually, she's been a delight," Ben said. "But it's been a long time and she's been asking about you and your—her mother, asking when you were arriving. I didn't know what to tell her."

"Yeah," Hoss said, his brow furrowed. "Joe and me, we've been tryin' to do our best like Pa has, but she's a determined little cuss, reminds me of you. Why didn't you come out sooner? What was wrong with you that you couldn't get here earlier?"

Adam looked at Hoss and simply stated, "I was shot." Ben and Hoss looked at one another. "Get my luggage, would you? I want to wash up. As much traveling as I've done, I want to stay put for a bit and spend some time with my daughter." Adam sauntered away into the house leaving his father and Hoss standing open-mouthed.

"You think his wife shot him and that's why she ain't here?" Hoss asked. Ben just shook his head indicating that he didn't know what to think. "Iffen she did—can't say as how I blame her. I been tempted many times to put a bullet through 'im myself. He can be an arrogant son-of-a…oh, sorry, Pa "

Ben just waved his hand in a dismissive manner and Hoss began unloading the buggy. Ben just stood, his arms akimbo and his brow furrowed. This was a conundrum and he hoped that eventually Adam would open up and solve it for him.

Hop Sing made a special dinner for Adam, a standing rib roast, mashed potatoes and green peas and maple pie for dessert. Adam made all the expected noises of appreciation and stated that Hop Sing was now the best cook in two states and as far as he knew, probably in the whole country. Hop Sing grinned non-stop.

Mrs. Maxwell had given Lilly a bath and dressed her in one of her best frocks and fixed her hair in curls and hair ribbons. "Now you look pretty for your father," she said as she tied the hair ribbon.

"Papa always said I look like Momma. Do I look like Momma all dressed up?" Lilly spun in her dress, smiling.

Mrs. Maxwell looked at her young charge. "Yes, my lamb. You look as beautiful as your mother. Now let's go down to dinner."

"Nana, why didn't my momma come? Doesn't she love me or Papa anymore?"

"Lilly, don't ask such questions. Now let's go." She took Lilly's hand and walked with her down the stairs but she too wondered what had become of Mrs. Cartwright.

At dinner, Adam made a fuss over how pretty Lilly looked and so did the others. Even Hop Sing told her that she was the prettiest flower he had seen.

"Hop Sing gave me a Chinese name," Lilly eagerly told her father. "It's Meiying. It means beautiful flower."

"Meiying, huh?" Adam said. "Well, it fits you."

"But Papa," Lilly said seriously, "you can still call me Lillabeth."

Adam repressed a grin. "All right—Lillabeth."

"Well," Joe said, "let's make a toast to the fact that oldest brother is back home—maybe for good?"

"That's yet to be seen," Adam said raising his glass.

"Well, to you and my granddaughter, Lilly, or as she is known now in Chinatown, thanks to Hop Sing," Ben turned to acknowledge Hop Sing who smiled and nodded having a glass of wine himself, "Meiying," Ben said, standing and holding his glass.

Lilly, stood up as well and then reached for her milk.

"No, no," Mrs. Maxwell said, taking the glass from Lily's small hands, "Since the toast is for you, you stay seated and a lady always stays seated anyway." Lilly sat back down and all the Cartwrights raised their glasses and toasted each other and drank the wine that Ben had chosen. Adam patiently explained to Lilly, since she asked, why it was called a "toast" since there was no longer any bread involved.

Through dinner, Ben watched Adam talk to his small daughter and how she intently listened to him even while he carried on conversation with the rest of the family although it was doubtful that she understood everything they said. Nevertheless, she seemed to adore her father and him, her. Watching father and daughter also made Ben wonder about Vivian and what had become of her and he wondered when or if Adam would ever tell him.

Adam sat and relaxed in his favorite chair by the fire, Ben in his chair, smoking one of the fine cigars from the many boxes Adam had brought him. Hoss lolled on one end of the settee smoking another cigar while Joe sat at the other end. He had tried one but it made him nauseated; he said that he'd stick to rolling his own cigarettes.

Lilly was now asleep. Adam had put her to bed although Mrs. Maxwell had assured him that it wasn't necessary.

"Pa, you have to say my prayers with me," Lilly said. Adam had been taken aback when Lilly had first called him "Pa" at dinner.

"Next thing I know," Adam had said, "she'll be spitting tobacco and cussing a blue streak." But he found he didn't mind and she alternated between "pa" and "papa".

"I tell you what," Adam said. "You say your prayers and I'll just sit quietly and watch."

"No, Pa, you got to say them with me. Momma always did when she was home."

"It's 'have to', not 'got to'." Lilly just looked at him. "All right," Adam said. "I'll sit here on the bed and you say your prayers and I'll say them with you."

"No, you got to get on your knees." Lilly kneeled at the side of the bed. "C'mon, Pa."

Adam felt foolish but he knelt down beside his daughter. "Okay now?"

"You got to put your hands like this," Lilly told him, showing how she had her palms one against the other. Adam did as she instructed. "Now close your eyes, Pa."

"Lilly…" Adam was going to protest but she looked so earnest and in his mind's eye he remembered seeing Lilly and Vivian next to each other, Vivian on her knees in her evening gown, their dark heads bowed and their eyes shut while he impatiently waited for his wife so they could leave for a social event, their capes thrown over his arm. "All right." Adam closed his eyes and bowed his head.

"Mathew, Mark, Luke and John, bless this bed that I sleep on. God bless Momma and Papa and Nana and Grandpa Ben and Uncle Joe and Uncle Hoss and Hop Sing and Sheriff Roy and Sunny and the cows, Maybelle and Cozie, and Buck and Cochise and Chubby and Sport and Jupiter and Maisie and…"

Adam sighed impatiently but Lilly kept on with the litany of blessing all the animals by name but when she started naming the chickens, Adam stopped her and told her, "Just say all the animals and then amen."

"But I'm not through." Her small hands were still in the position for prayer.

"Lilly, you don't have to name every single animal on the Ponderosa."

"I just gots one more thing," Lilly said.

"Okay—one more thing."

Lilly bowed her head again. "And please bring my Momma to the Ponderosa soon 'cause I miss her. Amen."

Adam rose and Lilly scampered into bed, Adam leaned over and kissed her cheek. "I love you, Lillabeth."

"I love you too, Pa." She kissed him and patted his cheek.

Adam told Lilly to snuggle down and tucked the covers around her and kissed her forehead. "Now, Lilly, you go to sleep. In the morning we'll have breakfast and a full day together, okay? We'll take a ride and have a picnic. Would you like that?"

Lilly nodded, smiling. "Papa, you come lay down too…here." Lilly scooted over and patted the mattress beside her.

Adam laughed. "All right, Lillabeth. Just for a little bit." He lay down and Lilly snuggled up next to him, her doll tight in her arms. Adam gingerly put his injured arm around his daughter and kissed her hair.

"Papa, when's Momma coming here? I want to show Momma my pony?"

"Your mother had to go somewhere else and she'll be gone a long time."

"But I don't want her to go anywhere else. I want her to come here with us."

"People don't always do what we want. Now close your eyes and go to sleep."

"Papa, don't you miss Momma?"

"Yes, Lillabeth, I do but like I said, people don't always do what you want. Now go to sleep."

"Pa, will you sing to me? If you sing to me, I'll go to sleep."

"All right—but go to sleep right after. What would you like to hear?"

"Sing that song you used to sing to Momma, about down the valley."

"Wouldn't you rather hear another one? How about Clementine? You like that one about darling Clementine."

"No. I want the valley song. Please, Papa?"

"Okay, little one." And as Adam sang, he found he struggled to hold back tears; he desperately tried not to think about the words of the song and how he would serenade Vivian and afterwards, in the dark, lying in her arms, Vivian would stroke his hair and tell of her love for him and he would be at ease, content with his world.

"Down in the valley, the valley so low

Hang your head over, hear the wind blow

Hear the wind blow, dear, hear the wind blow;

Hang your head over, hear the wind blow.

Roses love sunshine, violets love dew,

Angels in Heaven know I love you,

Know I love you, dear, know I love you,

Angels in Heaven know I love you.

If you don't love me, love whom you please,

Throw your arms round me, give my heart ease,

Give my heart ease, dear, give my heart ease,

Throw your arms round me…."

Suddenly sobs broke out from Lilly. She placed her hand over Adam's mouth. "Don't sing more! It's making me sad! I want Momma! Doesn't she love us anymore?"

And Adam held his sobbing child in his arms, assuring her that her mother loved her very much, and Mrs. Maxwell who had been sitting in the hall to give father and daughter some time alone, came in and took Lilly from Adam's arms.

"I'll rock her for a while, sir. It will calm her down." Lilly wrapped her arms and legs around her nurse and continued to sob and say she wanted her mother.

And Adam, when he handed his child to her nurse felt intense longing for his wife; it was so sharp that it was almost a physical pain. He felt as if his heart had been sliced in twain and it had been by his own hand.

"Well, once the railroad stretched to New Canaan a few years ago," Adam said as he puffed on one of the cigars, a snifter of brandy in his other hand, "the wealthy from New York decided that it was a good place for a summer home. It's become one of the wealthiest cities in the northeast—it's quiet, peaceful, beautiful countryside and some businessmen even commute by rail to New York every day, deciding to settle in New Canaan year round. So when I set up shop in New York, it didn't take long to have clients and through word of mouth and admiration for the houses—more like mansions and one of them resembles a castle-I had more clients than I could possibly handle so I had to add a few draftsmen and some office help. I always drew the initial sketch and had final approval but these homes, the money, Pa. We appear to all the ranchers here to be wealthy but those people, especially the railroad people, now, they're wealthy. They make us look like paupers.

"I invested early on in a tobacco farm in Windsor. It's a distance from New Canaan, but I would take the train and check on my investments every few weeks, sometimes taking Lilly and...Lilly would go with me and we'd make a day of it. The strain of tobacco we grow provides the broad leaves for cigar binders and wrappers—they're durable. The inside leaves are grown elsewhere, usually Cuba. We, my partner and I, just bought another nearby farm to add to ours."

"Lilly said that you have two houses," Joe said.

"We have a house in New York and then a country house in New Canaan. I have a stable of racing horses there. It's just a hobby—one I think I'll give up after I sell the house. I just closed it up and as for the business and the house in the city…I haven't decided yet." Adam looked pensive, as if he was elsewhere after he finished speaking

Silence fell and Hoss spoke up saying that it was late and he had to conserve his energy so that he could eat a big breakfast in the morning; he was heading for bed. Joe said that he needed to turn in as well. They both knew that their father and Adam wanted to talk—or at least their father did.

In the upstairs hall, Joe said to Hoss, "Adam sounds like he's got a helluva lot of money."

"Well, you know how Adam is with money. I swear that brother of ours could make money selling sand in a desert and have people lined up to buy it."

"What do you think happened to his wife?"

"I don't know, Joe. That puzzles me. I mean what's he hiding? Pa says that she ain't dead and Adam got a little funny lookin' there when he was talking 'bout how he'd take Lilly to that tobacco farm with him. I coulda swore he was gonna say 'Lilly and his wife'."

"Yeah, me too." Joe looked thoughtful. "Pa said her name was Vivian."

"Was or is?" Hoss asked.

Joe shrugged and then they went into their rooms. Hoss lay on his bed, propped up against the headboard and finished his cigar. He was puzzled about what had been going on with Adam and Adam was as secretive as ever.

"Adam, do you want to talk about…" Ben started to say "your wife" but changed it. "…Lilly's mother?"

"Not really. As far as I'm concerned, she's dead."

"She isn't to Lilly. What are you going to tell your daughter the next time she asks for her mother?"

"That's my business, Pa. I'll think of something." Then Adam became alert. "Did Mrs. Maxwell tell you anything about my wife?"

"I asked what her name was and she told me it was Vivian. I'd like you to tell me the rest."

"I can't. Maybe one day but not now."

Ben noticed how close to the surface Adam's emotions were; Adam downed the rest of his brandy.

"I might be able to help you, son. You might just need some perspective, some objectivity."

"Pa, if you knew how she betrayed me—lied to me…" Adam ran his hands over his face. "It makes me almost wish I didn't have Lilly, didn't have any connection to her mother. It would be a cleaner cut."

"But you do and you have to consider Lilly and her needs. Mrs. Maxwell is a fine woman who loves Lilly and takes good care of her but a child needs a mother."

"I did fine without one."

"You weren't a little girl. A girl needs a mother, a woman in her life to guide her properly."

Adam gave a sardonic snort. "God forbid Lilly should be guided by her mother."

"You loved her, Adam. Vivian must have had redeeming qualities."

Adam felt that her name spoken aloud just hung in the air—echoing in the air like a magic word-almost conjuring her presence. "Yes, she does but she's also vain, selfish, manipulative…but I loved her. I wish…I don't know what I wish but it doesn't matter. There's no going back." And Adam suddenly began to talk and once he started, he found he had wanted to tell his father all along, had yearned to confess his sins and have his father comfort him. And Ben listened.


	8. Chapter 8

**Eight**

Adam adored his wife. He gloried in her love for him and reveled in his love for her and the way they showed it by mutually satisfying the pleasures of the flesh. She enjoyed the firmness of his body, his broad shoulders that could easily move her around on their marriage bed, the strength of his hands and the width of his back and the hunger of his mouth. And he would whisper his love for her, his complete devotion to her.

"Ah, my Vivian, I do love you. Promise me you'll always love me—I can't live without you anymore." And he would cover her mouth with his and take life from her kiss. Adam knew that loving his wife so completely was dangerous but he couldn't stop himself; this was a new experience for him, to lose all rationality, all logic and just luxuriate in her and satisfy his carnal desires.

And Adam enjoyed Vivian's desire for him, the way she surrendered her body to allow him into the very core of her being, the center of all her desire and need. He relished the fullness of her flesh and the roundness of her arms as she held them up to invite him to her. And she never tired of him, never turned him away. To Adam, his wife was faultless. He himself couldn't have created a more perfect woman for himself. And they were happy.

Adam had reconciled himself to a life as a bachelor; his architectural business which he had started with just himself as designer and draftsman, had grown exponentially through word-of -mouth and by others seeking to know who had designed this building or that one. People remarked about the clever designs and how the structures seemed to breathe, to live. Adam Cartwright's name began to be bandied about whenever the wealthy of New York wanted a new office building or a magnificent home built in New Canaan, the small town that was soon to grow with the money poured into it by the wealthy who found the area perfect for their palatial summer homes to be built. And Adam Cartwright was just the man to do it. It even became a sign of great status, particularly among the railroad men since Cartwright knew so much about the railroad business-why the man could talk ties and rails and such as was well aware of all the lines- to have Cartwright design and oversee the building of their mansions.

It seemed a day just as any other; too much work, too many demands and Adam sat at his drafting table trying to figure out a construction problem. He had declared that travertine marble wouldn't work as the client wanted but the man had insisted that it had to be travertine so Adam was working on a alternate plan. It was difficult and he was frustrated.

"Adam," Drake, the young man Adam had hired as a draftsman, said, "we really need to hire someone for the front desk. While we're working back here, one of us always has to jump up and go out whenever that damnable bell rings and then there's the correspondence and the contracts. I'm a good draftsman but when it comes to typing on that contraption, all those keys and that moving thing—well, give me a straight rule any day. "

"I know, Drake, I know and I'm one step ahead of you—I put an advertisement in the paper yesterday. Hopefully, we'll find someone to handle all that and leave us to do our work." Adam sat on a stool at the adjoining drafting table and was working on a sketch for the edifice of a summer home for a railroad magnate. The draftsman, Drake Wells, worked at the next table. Drake was in his early thirties, a good five to seven years younger than Adam. Adam had come to admire and respect the young man for his talent and his work ethic; he worked hard and long and was a pleasant office mate.

The sides of the room were filled with shelves of foolscap, boxes of envelopes of various sizes, boxes of file folders, rolls of paper and many drafting tools. Books on various styles of art, buildings and monuments of the world were shelved and stacked helter-skelter and some were even stacked on the floor. There were boxes of pencils and other implements they needed for their work. Lights were hanging from the ceiling to better illuminate their work and two desks were filled with stacks of plans, the ends curling up. There were three heavy maple file cabinets against one wall with months' worth of papers, contracts and letters waiting to be filed. In the back wall were two doors. One led to the storeroom and the other opened into Adam's office. It was in the rich panel-lined room with comfortable leather chairs and a liquor cabinet which had a humidor of fine cigars on the top that Adam spoke with prospective clients. Before Adam and Drake as they worked was a partial wall with a door to the far end. The bottom half of the wall and half the door were solid and the top half of both held clear windows so they could see the front door.

In the outer room was a desk, a few leather chairs and small tables holding ashtrays. Against the side wall was another filing cabinet that was still empty. The desk had a typewriter and a cup holding sharpened pencils. Otherwise, there was nothing particular to recommend it. The bell jangled and Adam looked up as a woman entered and he stopped breathing. She was stunning.

"Damn," Drake whispered. "I'll go see what she wants." He rose from his stool and went out to the front and Adam watched through the window. And as he saw the two younger people interacting, he felt old.

She was lovely. Adam admired the young beauty as she stood talking to Drake. She was not dressed to work in an office but looked more as if she was out for the day with wealthy friends. Her clothes were of rich cloth, a deep violet in color and the blouse under the fitted jacket had a deep neckline bordered by ruffles of the same fabric. Her hat, covered with a mound of roses and at a jaunty angle on her shiny, dark hair set off the beauty of her face and she had a large pearl dangling from each ear. There was something about her that caused Adam's blood to heat; it wasn't just her beauty—he had met many beautiful women in his time—but it was the way she moved, the way she smiled at Drake that attracted him. He could almost feel her body beneath him, surrendering her flesh to him. But then, he told himself, he had just turned forty and she must be in her twenties. Drake was closer to her age and Adam knew that he would have to graciously step back and allow Drake to flirt with her if he should choose. Then he saw Drake nod to the woman who smiled and seemed to turn seductively, her skirt floating around her, and Drake came into the back room closing the door behind him.

"Hey, Boss, she came about the ad you placed for help and let me tell you,I could use some help from her." Drake was grinning. "Isn't she a beauty?"

"Watch it, boy. If she ends up working here, you'll have to stay professional." Adam stood up and pulled on his jacket that was hanging on a peg on the wall. Drake had talked to the woman in his shirtsleeves but as the owner, Adam felt that he needed to look more professional.

"Her name is Miss Vivian Moore. Vivian—isn't that a beautiful name. It's like poetry—Vivian."

"All right, be careful boy. Viviane was a seductress who trapped Merlin after she seduced him into revealing her all his secrets." Adam said.

"I'd tell her everything I know just on the promise that she'd give me a tumble. Hell, I'd give her all my savings for one night between those thighs."

Adam chuckled and shook his head; he understood—he felt the same way; he knew he would have to be on his guard. Adam went out to the front office and Drake followed him out and stood watching while Adam took the woman's gloved hand and introduced himself.

"I'm Adam Cartwright. Mr. Wells said that your name in Miss Moore."

"Yes, Vivian Moore. I have come in answer to your advertisement for a clerk and amanuensis at five dollars a week." She had the newspaper that contained the advertisement tucked under her arm and she held it out. "I am looking for employment and I believe that I fit your requirements. I can be here every day as I have no family demands, am educated and I am willing to…file and take care of matters of minor business."

Adam could tell Miss Moore was nervous despite her attempts at seeming calm. But then he was breathing heavily as well but it wasn't because he was nervous, it was because he wanted her and decided that he couldn't have her. Vivian Moore was lush and fresh and he longed to press his mouth against her red, plump lips and have her wind her arms around his neck and press her firm body against his; he practically groaned with desire.

Adam dismissed Drake and the young draftsman reluctantly went into the back room but even though he sat at his drafting table, he didn't work. He watched Vivian though the glass partition.

"Please, Miss Moore, sit down," Adam said. She smiled and complied and sat in one of the chairs in the outer office; from this stance, she had to look up at Adam as he stood in front of her. Adam noticed that she was visually appraising him and he became uncomfortable. "I have some questions to ask. You are the first one to arrive in answer to the ad."

"I hope I'm the only one," she said and coyly dropped her eyes and then glanced back up at him.

Adam wondered if she was flirting with him or if he was just seeing what he wanted to see. And if she was flirting, was it just to be hired? Perhaps she was manipulative, a woman who did what was required to achieve her ends. Adam made up his mind that he wouldn't hire her; she would be too dangerous, too volatile to have working with him and Drake. Adam's mind raced. He could already see Vivian and Drake laughing and the two young people looking at each other with longing or even worse, their keeping a secret between them of their love and gazing at one another in collusion not to let him in on their joy in one another.

"To be honest, Miss Moore, I think a male clerk would work out better for us. This is such a small office and Mr. Wells and I smoke cigars often as we work and sometimes our language is too strong for a lady. Perhaps another job would be better suited for you."

"Are you dismissing me, Mr. Cartwright?" Vivian looked affronted.

Adam stood still for a moment. He didn't want to be blatantly unfair to her. "All right, Miss Moore. You said you can file, correct?"

"I do know my alphabet, Mr. Cartwright. Shall I recite it for you?"

"That won't be necessary. Can you type?"

She paused. "I've never used one but as I said, I know my alphabet."

Miss Moore had given herself away; Adam now knew what he could use to not hire her.

"Come this way. Miss Moore." He led her to the desk and pulled out the chair and she sat, the large, cumbersome machine before her. "In the drawer is a pad. Can you take dictation?"

"I think so."

"Can you or can you not?" Adam waited and Miss Moore pulled off her gloves and opened drawers until she found a pad of paper. She took a pencil from the cup on the desk and looked at him. Adam began to pace. "Dear Mr. Beasley, regarding your inquiry as to whether or not I could design a Baroque-style summer home for you and your family, I believe that I can accomplish it although I will have to compress some characteristics in order to have it fit on the property as it stands now." Adam stopped and Miss Moore was still writing. "Read it back to me, please."

She looked up at him and then back down to the pad. "Dear Mr. Beasley, regarding your inquiry…as to…Baroque-style summer home….I believe that I can accomplish…that's all I have, sir." She dropped her head.

"Not very good, is it?"

"No, sir. I suppose not."

"There's paper in the desk. Type something." Adam waited. Every movement, every breath she took filled him with a longing for his younger days when he would have made no excuse to try to win Miss Moore's heart and here instead, he was being a tyrant and terrorizing her so that she wouldn't want to be around him.

Vivian opened a drawer and pulled out a few sheets of paper. She held one and stared at the typewriter.

"Do you know how to put the paper in?" She shook her head, no. Adam leaned over from behind her and she moved her chair away to give him more room but he could still smell her hair and her skin. He longed to press his lips on her neck and run his hands over her bodice making her moan with pleasure. He placed the paper in the roller and made certain that it was in the proper position. "Now type something." She sat looking helpless. "You press on the key like this." Adam struck a key and the arm swung up and left an imprint of the paper. "Did you see that the tape—here—rose and the letter you hit is now on the paper?" She nodded. "Now type something."

"What would you like me to type?" She stared up at him.

"I don't care. Type your name—type my name, type the goddamn alphabet since you claim to know it." He immediately regretted it as Miss Moore collapsed in tears and dropped her face into her hands. Adam turned away; he was overwhelmed with the urge to lift her up and tell her he was sorry, that she didn't understand how he felt about her, how he wanted her but he couldn't have her and that was why he was being so cruel—he was a selfish bastard.

Drake Wells came from the back. He had been watching with the door shut between them but he could tell by Adam's face that things weren't going well. He stood at the doorway and Adam looked at him. "I'm afraid that Miss Moore isn't qualified for the position." Then he walked into the back room and went back to his drafting table but his brain was on fire; all he could think of was Vivian Moore. He tried not to look up, to watch her, but Drake came into the back again.

"Adam," Drake said. Adam looked up. "Would you give her a go at filing? We have almost a year's worth of papers waiting to be filed over there."

Drake closed the door to the outer office and came over. "I know she doesn't know how to type—I watched—but she can file. We can hire her for that. Besides, I would like to get to know her."

"Yes, but you won't be the one paying her—I will. Besides, once she catches up on the filing, what the hell is she going to do? Service you under the drafting table?"

"Oh, c'mon, Adam, I think she really needs the work."

"I don't hire people out of sympathy." Adam looked out the window and saw Miss Moore dabbing her eyes with a lace handkerchief. "Her clothes are expensive. I can tell that. And they've been fitted to emphasize her..." Adam looked at Drake and smiled. "…her assets and they are many." He sighed. "Okay. Let her file. I'll pay her for a week while I interview others."

Drake smiled in happiness and Miss Moore placed a small hand on Drake's arm as Adam watched him tell her the good news. Then Drake led her into the back room where she seemed leery of Adam.

"Thank you. Mr. Cartwright," she said. "I will work very hard."

"The files have been set up and one cabinet is for contracts—file by client. One file is for contractors—file by business name. The last cabinet is for correspondence—again by the recipients or sender's name and by date—earliest to the rear. Also, there's a file cabinet up front where you need to file anything that has come in within the past three months. After that, whoever has the job will move them back here in one of these files. Any questions?"

"No sir," and Miss Moore spent the rest of the afternoon silently arranging the files and by the end of the day, she looked to Adam like a wilted rose and she had only made a small dent in the stacks of paperwork. Drake had left for at 6:00 and tried to convince Miss Moore to stop for the day but she said that she wanted to do more before she left; she would leave when Mr. Cartwright closed the office.

Adam pulled out his watch and saw that it was 7:15. Darkness had fallen much earlier. "Miss Moore," Adam said, "that's enough for today. Goodnight. I'll see you at eight in the morning."

"Yes, sir." She paused for a moment. "Mr. Cartwright, I hate to ask but may I have the pay for today's work?"

Adam gave a small laugh. "Not planning on coming back?"

"Oh, no, sir. That's not it at all. I just…I need to buy something to eat, that's all. I only had enough money for a week's lodging and..." She had put on her hat and was pulling on her gloves.

Adam who had shrugged on his jacket, reached in his pocket. He pulled out a handful of coins.

"I didn't work a whole day, sir," she quietly reminded him.

Adam looked at her. Even tired and careworn Vivian Moore was by far the most beautiful, enticing woman he had seen in years. And she was standing right before him. He handed her a dollar.

"That's far too much money, sir" she said.

"Consider it an advance." He motioned for her to go before him and then stopped. She looked at him curiously. "Miss Moore, would you be so kind as to accompany me to dinner tonight. I usually eat alone but I would enjoy some company." Vivian seemed hesitant. "You can recite the alphabet to me."

She laughed delightedly. "It would be my pleasure to join you, Mr. Cartwright." Vivian took Adam's arm and he felt a warmth run through him at her touch. "But I do think that perhaps I may be able to find something more interesting to talk about than grammar school subjects," Vivian said. She looked up at him out of the corner of her eye and Vivian Moore had that easily won not just the heart, but also the soul of Adam Cartwright.


	9. Chapter 9

**Nine**

Vivian worked almost three weeks until Adam asked her to marry him. During that time Adam was constantly aware of her presence. He would glance at her small back as she worked over the files and he would ache to go up behind her and nuzzle her exposed neck and whisper his desire for her, to have her turn her head and offer him her mouth. Then, on what became last day she worked, Vivian almost broke down in tears when she had to redo a file over and Drake went to her and consoled her and then insisted on helping her make things right.

After Vivian had left for the night, Adam stopped Drake before he left. "Drake, let Miss Moore do her work and you do yours. If you want to console her for her ineptness at filing, do so but make it quick. You neglected the plans that I need finished while you played nursemaid to her."

"I'm sorry, Adam, it won't happen again but can you finish chastising me tomorrow?" Drake asked with a touch of sarcasm. "I want to catch up with Vivian—I want to ask her to dinner."

Adam felt such an intense wave of jealousy that he had to clench his fists to stay in control. "I think you'd better finish those plans instead."

"But, Adam…" Drake faced Adam. He knew that he should take the plans home and work on them but he wanted to be with Vivian. So far, despite his best and most charming efforts, Vivian didn't appear to see him as a possible sexual partner but she did seem to always glance covertly at Adam and when he spoke to her, she seemed to practically quiver with pleasure. Drake knew that Adam had taken Vivian to dinner the first night she had worked for them but as far as he knew, there had been nothing else between them. If anything, Adam seemed colder to her then the situation seemed to require. Had Drake known Adam better, he would have recognized that it was Adam's way to protect himself, to protect his heart. "All right." Drake went to his table and begrudgingly rolled up the plans and left the office.

Adam walked home in the falling light. He felt he should be pleased that Drake's plans for Vivian had fallen through but he wasn't. He passed the side street where Vivian lived. She had told him at their dinner that she taken a room at a boarding house and he stopped on the corner and paused. Then he went down the street until he found the one she had mentioned—Gentry Rooms. Reasonable Rates.

Adam paused at the front entrance. "Damn fool," he called himself but his urge to see Vivian was too strong. He walked inside and the front hall was lit by one dim gaslight. He looked at the names by the room numbers in the front hall. They had been handwritten, probably by the landlady, and were difficult to read. Adam reached in his pocket and pulled out his glasses and read "Moore." She was in room three. He mounted the stairs and then stood outside her door. He knocked and a few seconds later, she opened the door. Her face showed surprise and then fell into the gentle lines of warmth and welcome. She seemed genuinely glad to see him.

"Mr. Cartwright, please come in."

"Adam. Please. We agreed that if we met out of the office, we would be on friendly terms."

"Yes. Adam. Please come in. I'm sorry that my living quarters are so…primitive. I'm sure that you're used to fancier places but this isn't bad for…"

"Vivian," Adam said as he took off his hat, interrupting her, "I…" He stared at her. He couldn't understand how a woman could have this effect on him as to render him speechless.

"Yes?" Vivian looked at him questioningly but Adam knew that she was well aware of what he actually wanted.

"I was hoping you would join me for dinner." Adam realized he had been holding his breath. He released it in an audible sigh.

"How very kind of you. I would be delighted to go—and grateful. Let me get my wrap."

Adam felt victorious; he had managed to maneuver Vivian away from Drake. But he also knew that if he was going to possess Miss Vivian Moore, he would have to act quickly. What happened tonight, Adam knew would determine his future.

Vivian seemed surprised that Adam had asked her to dinner and revealed his heart, she didn't know what to say when he made his declaration of love, when he told her that she delighted him and enthralled him. Adam knew that he was behaving like a fool and that he should be more careful about giving his heart to her but it was too late; Adam realized that he had no control over his emotions as far as Miss Vivian Moore was concerned and the thought of living without her, having her won by another man—possibly even Drake Wells-was too painful for him to bear.

"You barely know me," Vivian had murmured, dropping her gaze. The restaurant was a popular one and Adam had asked for a corner table so he and Vivian could have some privacy and now he was glad he had.

"Is that a no?" Adam asked with a crooked smile.

Vivian looked up. "I have to be honest with you, Mr. Cartwright. I find I can't…support myself as I had hoped to when I came to the city. As you've found out, I have very little talent for filing or anything else that resembles office work. I wouldn't make a good teacher and I doubt I have the strength of spirit to become a nurse for the ill. There's not much available in the ways of work for me. Marrying you—and you are a wealthy man and a handsome one—would be the answer to my prayers."

"Then say yes." Adam reached over and took Vivian's hands in his.

"I should tell you some things…"

"Confessions of the soul can wait until later," Adam said. "I want to marry you, Vivian. I have since the day you walked into the shop. I was reconciled to a life of loneliness as I hadn't yet found a woman I felt I could live with for the rest of my life. Say you'll marry me, Vivian." Adam didn't know what he would do if Vivian said no. He hadn't even kissed her yet. "Make me a happy man."

"All right, Mr. Cartwright—Adam. I would be honored to be your wife." Vivian blushed in the candlelight and Adam leaned over and for the first time he kissed her. He was shocked at how natural it felt, as if he had been waiting all this time, kissed all those others and had finally found the woman who was his fit, his match, who had been created by the higher power just for him as his wife, his helpmate. And that night, he took Vivian to his house and his heart and body told him that Vivian was the one for him.

Within a month, Adam and Vivian Moore were married. It was a small ceremony with only Drake Wells who had unwillingly given up his pursuit for Miss Moore's affections when it became obvious to him that he was of no interest to the beauty; whether it was love or not between Adam and Vivian, Drake couldn't tell. The one thing he knew was that he had lost in the undeclared rivalry for Miss Vivian Moore. Nevertheless, every night as he lay in his room trying to sleep, he thought of Vivian lying seductively on the bed waiting to be taken, to be enjoyed by her husband. And he envied Adam Cartwright for his wife, lusted after her and eventually, he gave his notice and left the city.

Adam regretted Drake's leaving but soon hired another draftsman, Jude Henshaw, an older man who spoke little and if he had any interest in Mrs. Cartwright when she showed at the office to lunch with her husband, he never showed it; he seemed to view her more as an interruption and when Adam came back from lunch, still heady with the delights of his wife, he didn't work as well. Adam would catch a whiff of her perfume on his shirt collar and his mind would go back to the time they had just spent together.

One day as Adam tried to concentrate on a plan for an office building, a high-rise, a new type of structure with an iron grating as the skeleton, Henshaw broached the subject of Mrs. Cartwright.

"I need to state that whenever you leave the office to be with your wife, when you return you are worthless. You might as well take off the whole day since you contribute practically nothing." The older man continued crafting the plans he had been given, working on getting the scale correct. One small mistake and the plans would be useless.

Adam was taken aback. "Have you something against my wife, Mr. Henshaw? Has she offended you in any way?" Adam decided that he would confront the issue since Vivian had complained that Mr. Henshaw didn't seem to care for her. She tried to be friendly, congenial, but he would have none of it.

"I have nothing against the woman. I am surprised that a man of your intelligence and wherewithal would have such a one for a wife but that's not for me to say. I am just concerned about your lack of industry when you finally return." Mr. Henshaw never looked up.

Adam noticed that Henshaw had referred to Vivian as "the woman," not as a "the lady." "You have overstepped, Mr. Henshaw. It is not your place to criticize me nor to discuss Mrs. Cartwright—or even to have an opinion of her. You do your own work and my wife is my business, not yours."

"As you say, sir."

The men worked in silence but that wasn't unusual. Henshaw's words, "such a one" kept running through Adam's mind. And Henshaw was right, Adam thought; when he returned to the office after the time spent with Vivian, it was as if he had drunk too much champagne but he was drunk with Vivian's beauty, her voice, her charms and his love for her. And he wondered if there was something about Vivian he didn't see that Henshaw did.

Vivian was a good fifteen years younger than he and Adam knew that some people might look askance and say that she married him for his wealth but talk of that sort had never bothered him and perhaps she had. But after what Henshaw had said, Adam looked at Vivian more carefully when they were out socially yet he never saw anything. True, she was slightly flirtatious but that was her charm and she never led a man on to believe that she would grant him a kiss or anything more. She was just delightful and charming and whenever Adam would return to her at a ball or gala, Vivian was always delighted and made it obvious to anyone near that she loved her husband.

Many of Adam's friends and business associates openly stated that they envied Adam his wife; he was a damn lucky man they said. But Henshaw's comment stuck in Adam's mind and every so often, it would come back and haunt him. And then one day Vivian came late to the office and Adam was in the small storeroom looking through crates that had yet to be unpacked. He was expecting some carved newel posts to arrive from Italy and was searching for them among the other huge crates.

Henshaw had looked up when the bell rang over the door and he saw Mrs. Cartwright come in and smile at the clerk, Stanley Foster, who now manned the front desk and did the filing. Stanley quickly stood and practically tripped over his own feet as he went to her. Henshaw begrudgingly had to admit that Mrs. Cartwright was like a burst of sunshine when she entered the office and that the air changed, became charged with energy and a raw sexuality. Henshaw also noticed how seductively she moved; she seemed to always be aware of the effect she had on men. She stepped into the doorway separating the outer office from the back.

"Good day, Mr. Henshaw. Where's Mr. Cartwright?"

"He didn't say he was expecting you."

"He isn't. Where is he, please?"

Adam was about to come out from the storeroom and make his presence known when something in Vivian's voice and her next words stopped him.

"You don't like me very much, do you, Mr. Henshaw?"

"No, ma'am, I don't." He went on with his work. "You're a loose woman."

"Excuse me? How dare you say such a thing to me?"

Adam knew if he had been in the room with them, he would have to fire Henshaw on the spot but he stayed behind the closed door; he wanted to hear what Henshaw saw in Vivian that he didn't.

Henshaw looked up and stared at her. "You have a way about you, a way that women who sell their bodies have. I suppose that you sold yourself to Mr. Cartwright and he paid by marrying you. But he's a worldly man and a smart one too but when it comes to you, you lead him on a merry chase, don't you? He trails behind you, slavering after you, sniffing out your scent. I've known women like you, Mrs. Cartwright, and you care about nothing but yourself. That's why I don't like you."

Vivian stood, her chest heaving in indignation. "Why…I'll have Mr. Cartwright fire you for what you've said to me."

"Yes, ma'am. You tell him what I said. I guarantee that he'll fire me but from now on, he'll watch you like a hawk. You won't be able to swish your skirts and swing your hips in front of any more men without his noticing and I guarantee he'll put an end to your loose ways."

Vivian turned quickly and flounced out of the shop and Adam took his hand off the doorknob. He had seen Vivian's behavior around men. He knew Vivian enjoyed the attention she garnered but Adam had always indulged her as it did no harm; he would just laugh. Adam decided he would wait until that evening and see what Vivian would tell him about her conversation with Henshaw. He would also know then if Vivian was truthful with him since he had heard the conversation but that night, Vivian said nothing to Adam and she never did. Henshaw never said anything either and Adam didn't bring it up to either of them. The only result was that Vivian rarely came by the office anymore.

After six months of marriage, Vivian broke the news to Adam that she was with child. That night as he held her in their bed Adam murmured that he didn't believe he could have ever been happier than the day he made her his wife-until now. In the darkness with the moonlight glistening off her hair and pale skin, Vivian had raised herself up on one elbow and stroked his hair and then bent down and kissed him deeply.

"You believe that I love you, don't you?" she asked.

"Yes. Of course, I believe that. I know it." Adam smiled gently and reached up to touch her face and Vivian lay back down, one round arm thrown across his chest and her head resting on his shoulder. And as they lay together and he waited for sleep to come, Adam made plans for a summer home, a place where they could spend the hot days of summer and raise their child and his heart felt as if it would burst with joy. He turned and kissed Vivian's scented hair and then he thought of his father. He knew he should write his family and let his father know about his marriage the child and although he was determined to do so, he never did. Life came too swiftly and his business boomed; Adam's designs were much in demand and he often traveled to Windsor, another city, to look over the tobacco business in which he had invested; he would check the books and oversee the production line. There was new machinery that made the processing of the leaves and the packing much easier and required few people but they still had to have men who could examine the leaves and toss those that didn't pass Adam's and his partner's high standards. "Only the best from us," Adam told the foreman. "If I ever see poor quality leaves pass inspection, it's your head."

As the summer days of Vivian's pregnancy passed, Adam made short trips out to the property in the countryside of New Canaan. The piece he had purchased had rolling hills and apple trees and he knew the perfect place for the house. From every room the view would be calming to the spirit. He worked on the plans at home in New York and Vivian would look over his shoulders when he called her to ask her questions on what she wanted. She would bend over and kiss his cheek and tell him that he was more knowledgeable about those things than she and she would defer to his judgment.

As her pregnancy advanced, Adam became loath to leave their home. He was hesitant about going to work but the housekeeper assured him that should anything happen, she would send word to the shop. Watching Vivian as she grew rounder and more content delighted Adam. She became even more beautiful to him as she became full and her breasts swelled and her face took on a Madonna-like calm. And although he was ashamed, Adam's desire for her became greater but she never turned him away. And each time they were together, Adam felt that his heart would burst with his ineffable love for his wife.

The only bothersome issue to Adam was that Vivian insisted that they each have their own room in the country house as they did in the city; she said that they would each sleep better as now that she so ponderously large, it was difficult for her to become comfortable. Adam was resistant but he knew that every married couple of their acquaintance had that arrangement; the husband visited his wife when he wanted to satisfy his desires and he had to admit that it added a bit to the excitement for him to visit her. Early in the evening, he would let her know that he was going to come to her and Vivian would be waiting, flush with desire. It was an arrangement that seemed to benefit marriage.

The main house in the country was soon completed and Adam moved Vivian out to the country. He insisted the fresh air would be salubrious and that once the baby came, there would be no more parties, only when he entertained clients would she be expected to attend. Vivian did not protest. She said that she would do as Adam wanted.

"Adam," Vivian said one evening as she sat at her vanity in her room and brushed her hair, "I've secured a wet nurse."

Adam had been lounging on her bed, lying on his side, his long, trousered legs crossed at the ankle while he watched Vivian, admiring her. He had taken the evening train to New Canaan and his driver had been waiting at the depot to bring him home. The cook had kept his meal warm and he ate while Vivian bathed. Still in his dress shirt, weskit and cuffed trousers, he had gone to his wife's room to spend time with her.

"A what?" Adam asked. He sat up, his brows drawn in displeasure.

Vivian turned to him and he always made her catch her breath; each time she truly saw him, Vivian was struck by Adam's dark, dangerous looks. He had grown a mustache and his sideburns were fuller as was the style now. Vivian still thought she preferred him clean-shaven but she said nothing even though she knew Adam would shave if she even hinted that she didn't care for the mustache.

"A wet nurse. She's the wife of a small dairy farmer—about five miles from here. Her name is Margaret Askew and she has had five children. She's weaning her last child, a boy and so she will be able to nurse our child completely. I interviewed her husband as well and they invited me in…" Vivian stopped as Adam had risen from the bed and stood behind her. He grabbed her by the upper arm and pulled her to stand.

"You're not going to send our child away to be cared for by some stranger. You're the mother—you'll nurse our child and take care of it." Vivian's pulse stepped up as he leaned in; she wondered if he was going to kiss her.

"Adam, you don't understand—it's not done anymore. To nurse a child smacks of the peasant class…Adam, I'll spend time with the child every day as long as we're here in the country—I don't go into the city much anymore—you know that. You can visit as well. I'll take you over tomorrow."

"No," Adam said. "The child will stay here—you'll nurse it."

"Please," Vivian said, pulling her arm that Adam gripped tighter than he had intended. "You're hurting me."

Adam dropped his hand and saw the red imprint of his fingers on her white skin. Vivian rubbed the spot. "All right, Adam. If that's what you want, I'll do it but I'd be available to you sooner if I didn't have to spend all my time with the child. You should come first—and so far in my life you have." Vivian moved closer to Adam. She noticed his breathing was stepped up and that his jaw was set; he yearned for her yet he was angry with her. Vivian knew that before the night was over, they would argue even more and he would become angrier and it would result in a passionate coupling. Then Adam would acquiesce—he always did.


	10. Chapter 10

**Ten**

The doctor had been there four hours already and Mrs. Ellison, the housekeeper, kept bringing clean towels and removing soiled ones from Vivian's bedroom. Adam had smoked two cigars as he paced in the hall outside the bedroom and he had drunk countless cups of black coffee, all made stronger with a dash of Kentucky bourbon. He was haggard, his eyes bloodshot as his wife struggled to give birth behind closed doors. Each time he heard Vivian moan or cry out, Adam swore to himself there would be no more children—no more.

"Mrs. Ellison," Adam said as she came out of the bedroom, "please, how is my wife?"

The housekeeper looked at Adam with intense sympathy. "She's working at it. The doctor says it won't be long now. I'm to get more cold clothes; she's a bit feverish."

"Feverish? She's ill as well?"

"Now, Mr. Cartwright…" but Mrs. Ellison stopped as an infant's plaintive wail filled the air. "Sounds like your child has arrived." She smiled at him but Adam wasn't looking at the diminutive woman; he stared at the partially opened door. Adam gingerly pushed it open and stared at Vivian as she lay on the bed, her gown plastered against her, her hair wet with sweat, strands sticking to her neck and her face pale as death.

"Vivian?" Adam approached the side of the bed, fear strangling him. He bent to pick up his wife, to clutch her to him but the doctor intervened. Mrs. Ellison had followed Adam in and she had readily taken the newborn from the doctor and wrapped it in a towel as the child continued to wail.

"Mr. Cartwright," the doctor said, putting his hand on Adam's arm to restrain him, "your wife is exhausted and needs her rest. Let her sleep. We'll watch her fever but I don't think it's anything to worry about. Once Mrs. Cartwright is cleaned up and rested, I think she'll be herself again. And I'm a bit proud to say that I just delivered into this world one of the most beautiful baby girls in all my years as a doctor; she'll grow up to be as beautiful as her mother. Now I have to go—I'll check on Mrs. Cartwright tomorrow. Thank you for your help, Mrs. Ellison and I'll see myself out."

Mrs. Ellison, smiling, brought the infant over to Adam who was loathe to take the child. His daughter was so small, her fists so delicate and tiny and at the end of each finger was a perfect fingernail, small and pink.

"Here, sir, take her—yes, just hold her and rest her head in the crux of your arm." Adam held his daughter, amazed by her angelic face. She was a beautiful child and he imagined that Vivian had looked thus when she was born. Mrs. Ellison looked on and smiled at the large man holding his tiny daughter.

Then Adam looked to Mrs. Ellison. "What about my wife? Is she going to be all right?" He looked to the bed and saw Vivian's chest barely rise and fall.

"Yes, sir, she'll be fine. If you leave, I can clean up in here and help her change into a fresh gown. Now take your daughter and go sit with her; she'll sleep for a bit like her mother."

"If it was a girl, we were going to name her Rose Elizabeth," Adam said, looking at his daughter, "but I think now that I've seen her, that it should be Lily, Lily Elizabeth."

"Lily Elizabeth," Mrs. Ellison said. "That's a lovely name. I think it's fitting as well. Lilies spring up and then show their beautiful faces." Mrs. Ellison gave Adam a little push. "Now go spend some time with your daughter, Lilly as you'll need to take her to Mrs. Askew tomorrow."

Suddenly, the idea of sending his child, this beautiful creature in his arms to be taken care of by another woman seemed repugnant but he had agreed. He had met Mrs. Askew and her children and her husband and he and Luke Askew had discussed animal husbandry. Luke had said that some of his cows had come down with a respiratory issue and although with time and the money he had, most had pulled through. Of those which did, most had very low milk production until they fully recovered which would take time. So when he and his wife were approached by Mrs. Ellison, they had agreed that Mrs. Askew should become a wet nurse. Luke made a joke about his cows not being the only ones to earn money by giving milk. Adam had smiled at the remark but was concerned. But Vivian and Mrs. Askew sat and talked over tea while her youngest son, Jack, fussed in her arms until she put him down. Adam half-listened to their conversation.

"That's when you know they're ready to be weaned," Mrs. Askew said. "They won't sit still long enough to nurse but it does help to calm them down to sleep."

"He's two," Vivian said, "correct?" Mrs. Askew said that yes, he was and Vivian asked if her child would need to be nursed for that long.

Mrs. Askew laughed and put a comforting hand on Vivian's hand. "Oh, no, ma'am. I suppose that it's just something I enjoy, having them close. A year or slightly less usually does it. After that, well, they can easily bottle-feed and can be given regular food fixed for their small mouths and their teeth coming in. You'll see, ma'am. It all works out."

"And I can come see the child?" Vivian asked, a note of apprehension in her voice.

"Of course, as much as you want, anytime you want. Trust me, ma'am, I'm always here." She laughed and Vivian seemed to relax a bit.

That evening as Adan drove their buggy home being gentle not to rattle Vivian, Adam broached the subject of the wet nurse again. "Are you determined to have our child raised by another woman, Vivian? You can change your mind, you know."

"Yes, I know." A silence fell between them and then Vivian spoke quietly. "I wonder if I'll make a good mother, Adam. I'm afraid I won't. I wish I were like Mrs. Askew; she seems to be at ease with her children, handling all their problems. Did you see, Adam, how she took care of all of them? And she has so many children and yet…" Adam could hear from her voice how close to tears she was.

Adam put his arm around Vivian and pulled her next to him. She rested her head on his shoulder. "Not everyone's the same, Vivian. And…if you looked like Mrs. Askew, I'd divorce you. I don't know how her husband tells her from his white-faced Guernseys." Vivian looked up at him, tears about to spill but she began to laugh lightly as the tears fell down her cheeks.

"Oh, Adam, I do love you so." She moved closer to him and Adam sighed in contentment. Although Vivian didn't bow under to his demands and was rarely in fear of his ranting, she did try to please him. Adam loved his wife and was happy in that love, exultant in her love for him. And Adam never doubted that Vivian loved him. Never.

Vivian came down the stairs of their New York townhouse. Adam, who sat of the sofa waiting for her, stood up when she descended. His mouth had dropped slightly; she was stunning in a purple dress, her luxuriant hair piled on top of her hair and accented with a jeweled purple plume and her long strand of pearls wrapped five times around her neck, the longest section reaching almost to her waist. It had been a gift from Adam for giving him a daughter, Lilly, his Lillabeth, as he called her. Adam had never spent so much money on any piece of jewelry he had bought Vivian but then she had never had his child before and risked her life. It was the first time they were going out socially since Lily's birth and although Vivian was rounder, her figure more curvaceous, Adam preferred it to her earlier youthful slimness.

They were going to the Christmas ball of one of Adam's best and wealthiest clients and Adam knew that Vivian would be the center of attention when they walked in; she always was.

"Don't you get jealous?" a friend, Tom Benson, had asked him at one occasion where Vivian had danced continuously with one partner after another.

"Why should I be?" Adam had asked as he drank a glass of punch that had been piquantly spiked with Jamaican rum.

"Because just about every man in this room is probably having lustful thoughts about her. Don't take this the wrong way, Adam, but a man gets the impression that she just might give him a tumble."

Adam drew himself up and replied sarcastically and threateningly. "Now why would I take something like that as an insult? Just because it appears to be one? Do you have anything else to say about my wife? If you do, I will be glad to meet you at an appointed time to defend her honor."

"No, Adam, look," the man said, holding his palms out as a sign of submission. "I was out of order—I apologize if what I said…excuse me. I see someone I need to speak to." And the man practically slunk off.

And Adam had watched Vivian, how she smiled and was an animated conversationalist in another man's arms. And when the dance was finished, he went to Vivian and took her in his arms and he remained her dance partner the rest of the night and was rewarded with her flirtation with him. He felt as if he was falling in love with her all over again and then he well understood why Benson had asked him if he was jealous. And that night as he took her in the darkness of her room, he was slightly cruel and it made him feel better when he left her heavily breathing as she lay on the damp sheets while he went to his own room to have a satisfactory night's sleep.

Before they had traveled to New York for the Christmas ball, Adam and Vivian had gone to see Lilly. Vivian had said that she needed to see Lilly since it might be at least a week before she saw her again. Lilly was almost three months old and was thriving with the wet nurse. Adam would go to visit the child with Vivian a few times a week and as Vivian would hold their daughter and coo to her and walk with her around the room, Adam was struck by how lovely she was. To him, seeing Vivian as a mother added a new dimension to her and increased his love for her. He saw her now as more than a sexual partner; she was his way to leave a dynasty behind him, to make sure that his blood ran through the veins of future generations. And after a few weeks, Vivian began to sob on the way back to their house after visiting their daughter.

"Why don't we bring Lilly home," Adam said in an effort to console his wife.

"It's too late for me to nurse her, my milk has dried up," Vivian sobbed. "Oh, Adam, I wish I had kept her with me. Each time I leave, it's as if my heart stays behind."

Adam was tempted to remind Vivian that it was her desire to hire the wet nurse and she therefore had no right to complain, but he couldn't. Vivian was so distraught over leaving her child that he couldn't hurt her more. "It will be fine, my love. I'll ask Mrs. Askew the earliest that Lilly can be weaned. All right?"

"Thank you, Adam."

He held the reins with one hand and with the other pulled out a handkerchief. "Here, wipe your nose. You're as bad as Lilly." Vivian took the handkerchief and lightly laughed.

"I love you," she said and slipped her arms through his, leaning her head against his arm.

And Adam drove along the roads of the countryside to their home. He was building a stable on the property. He had decided to buy a racehorse and Vivian had mentioned that she liked to ride. He was looking for a gelding for her and that was how he came upon the racehorse, Folly's Hero. Adam thought that he would have to write his father and invite him out. Adam wanted Vivian to meet him and wanted his father to see Lilly. He thought that in the morning, once he arrived at the office, he would write home—it had been so long and he knew that his family must be worried. But the next morning he had two clients waiting for him and the day went by without another thought of a letter home.


	11. Chapter 11

**Eleven**

At the New Year's party, her second time out in public since the birth of Lilly, Vivian was initially nervous when Adam took her wrap and she stood in her low-cut scarlet dress styled in the latest fashion. Adam handed his wife's wrap and his hat and cape to the butler and escorted Vivian into the ball room and after ten minutes, Vivian was back to her charming, vivacious self, laughing and smiling and having men clamber to be her dance partner so it surprised Adam when after about an hour, Vivian came to him while he was talking horse racing and thoroughbreds to two of the railroad men.

"Excuse me, gentlemen, but may I speak to my husband?" Vivian managed to say with a slight, tremulous smile as she clutched Adam's arm.

Acknowledging her with a slight bow and words of recognition, they walked away and Adam turned again to Vivian. She was pale, her lips blanched under the rouge, her voice shaky.

"What is it?" He reached out to support her as she seemed to waver on her feet. "Vivian, are you ill? What is it?"

"No, I just…please, take me home. I'm sorry, Adam, but I fear I will faint if I stay any longer. Please."

"Of course. I'll make our excuse tomorrow." Adam rushed Vivian out, placing both her wrap and his cape around her as she was shivering. The hack Adam had hired was waiting, the driver lounging, smoking, and chatting with the other drivers but when he saw Adam, he dropped the cigarette, crushed it out with his foot and hurried to open the door.

"Back to your house, sir?" The driver had noticed how the beautiful woman seemed limp and her husband looked worried. Adam nodded and held Vivian next to him on the ride home; she clung to his jacket front, saying nothing. And once they were home, Vivian went straight to bed. When Adam checked on her later, she hadn't even pulled the sheets over her; she was sleeping in her underclothes, her corset still tightly binding her waist; she hadn't even bothered to loosen her stays. Her gown and slip were on the floor where she had stepped out of them and the jeweled comb from her hair was lying next to the vanity as if it had fallen off and she hadn't bothered to pick it up. Adan also noticed the glass, spoon and laudanum bottle next to the bed. He wondered what had upset Vivian so much that she needed laudanum to sleep.

The light from the street lights gave her skin a pale glow and Adam looked down at her. In her repose, Vivian's face was more beautiful to Adam than when she was smiling and laughing. And she looked younger, almost like a child. He wondered if Lilly would become as beautiful as her mother and he didn't know if that would be a blessing or a curse. And as Adam watched her sleep, he realized that Vivian was a mystery to him. She had no family, actually no past; when he asked her anything, she told him that her life began the day she answered his advertisement in the paper and then laid eyes on him.

And yet, despite how little he really knew about her, Adam had been more intimate with Vivian than with any other woman in his life, than any other lover. And with his beloved wife, Adam had shared not just his mind but the yearnings of his soul. Adam had revealed his secret desires and wishes to her and had Vivian chosen, she could easily destroy him with what she knew and he had given her the weapons himself.

Adam reached under her and pulled the sheets down. Vivian moved slightly and Adam pulled the sheet and coverlet up, tucking her in as a parent might a cherished child. And then Adam kissed Vivian's smooth forehead. He smelled her perfume that was imported from Paris. The scent of jasmine, gardenia and lily of the valley filled his head. He stood and watched Vivian for a bit more and then Adam finally left, closing the door quietly behind him.

Vivian seemed better the next day but ate little at breakfast. Adam was inclined to stay at home with her but Vivian insisted that he go into work; she assured him that she was fine. Vivian said that she would stay in the city with him for the rest of the week and then she would take the train to the country and spend the days with Lilly so Adam went to the office but something was wrong and he knew it.

Two nights later as he and Vivian sat at dinner, the chandelier illuminating the room and causing the crystal and fine china on the table to sparkle, Adam told his wife that Mr. Van der Keller from the bank had paid him a visit that day. He careful watched Vivian's face and saw the look of fear that was quickly dropped. She tried to look calm.

"Really?" She picked up her fork and began to eat her dinner.

"Yes," Adam said, staring across the table at her, watching her. "He told me that you had withdrawn two thousand dollars. He wanted to make sure I knew. I hadn't known."

Vivian looked up and saw Adam watching her, waiting to see how she would react to the news. He displayed no emotion but she knew he was upset.

"Adam, you always told me that I had free access to the money, that it was ours. Have you changed your mind?"

"No, of course not—at least not yet. It depends on what you have to say. You can buy whatever you like, spend whatever you want, but I would like to know what it was that you bought for two thousand dollars?"

Vivian laughed lightly but couldn't meet Adam's eyes except sporadically. "It's foolish and I know you'll chide me but I placed a bet on a horse race and unfortunately, I lost. I'm sorry, Adam. I know that it's a great deal of money but with your interest in horse racing, well, I thought I'd try my hand at it. I'm sorry that I lost so much. I should have started with a smaller bet but Agnes Bartow who had accompanied me to the track said that her husband had inside information that the horse was a sure thing. I hoped that when I won I would be able to replace the money and then some and you would be pleased. I'm sorry, Adam. If you like, I can sell one of my necklaces or earrings and replace the amount."

Adam said nothing, just watched Vivian nervously ball her napkin in her hand. He sipped his wine while Viviane waited.

"I don't believe you, Vivian. I don't think you gambled away any money but I'll let it drop. You needn't sell any of your jewelry; those pieces are gifts from me and I want you to have them. But I am going to limit your funds."

Vivian looked at him and sighed shakily. "I understand, Adam, I was foolish. I shouldn't have done what I did." Adam's eyes had narrowed and she recognized the look from when she had seen him sport shooting; he had her in his sights.

Quietly Adam said, "If I find that you have a lover, Vivian, I'll kill him and if you're giving him money, you won't fare much better. Do you understand me?"

Vivian looked down at her hands which she placed in her lap and twisted the napkin. She then looked across the table at her husband. "There's no one else, Adam. I swear that."

Adam had to admit that Vivian sounded convincing but the inkling of a doubt broke through. Without another word, Adam stood up and left his dinner untouched. He walked out and Vivian listened until she heard the door close on Adam's office. Then she began to cry and sat at the table for another hour, not eating anything else until the housekeeper finally dared to ask her if she was through.

Mrs. Ellison and the cook had listened to the brief conversation between Mr. and Mrs. Cartwright.

"You think she's got a lover?" the cook had asked. "She seems too pretty not to have one but with the Mister, well, don't know why she wouldn't be satisfied with him; he visits her enough."

"Now how would you know about that?" Mrs. Ellison said. What the cook had said was true but she was the one to make the beds and send out the linens, not the cook.

"I know a woman who works at the laundry. She told me about how you have to change the sheets about every day and the state they're in." She gave the housekeeper a wink.

"Well, that may be, but no, I don't think the Missus has a lover but I think she's scared; she's hiding something. There's something going on and it's bad—very bad." Mrs. Ellison said. Over the time she had worked for the Cartwrights she had come to be fond of them and it seemed to her as if the couple was happy. But she had to admit that no husband and wife appeared more different than they did. The Mister tended to be dark and serious but his face always lit up when he saw his wife. And the Missus seemed devoted to him and she brought happiness and joy into his life. Nevertheless, something was suddenly seriously wrong in the house.

Adam sat in his study, sipping a glass of whiskey. He looked into the fire. He hadn't know what to say when Mr. Van der Keller had come into the shop and asked to see him alone. So Adam looked at Henshaw who quickly took the hint that he was to leave the room. Henshaw made an excuse about running down to the corner on some needed errand and left, closing the door behind him. And then, after some hemming and hawing, Van der Keller told Adam about his wife withdrawing two thousand dollars in cash.

Adam didn't respond immediately. Then he said with much gravity, "Limit her to only five hundred at a time-at least for now-and that only once every two weeks. I don't know why she needs that much in cash but my wife does have expensive tastes. I appreciate your coming to tell me, Mr. Van der Keller." The banker said that it was all part of his job, to protect his clients' interests and that he would immediately put into effect the limits on Mrs. Cartwright's withdrawals until directed otherwise.

And as Adam sat watching the flames dance before his eyes, he became angrier with unspent fury. He imagined Vivian in the arms of another man, her body pressed next to another man's, her sweet, soft voice whispering her undying love for the man as she did to him when they would lie together. His anger rose. He stood and began to pace. All his feelings of betrayal came back, all the feelings of being the hoodwinked fiancé rushed over him. Laura had loved another, his own cousin, and he had been kept ignorant. What a fool he had been. But the worst was that Will and Laura had been meeting, kissing, declaring their love for one another and despite their protest to the contrary, it was behind his back.

Adam tried to regain control, to suppress his overwhelming emotions and regain his intellectual stance but when it came to Vivian, he couldn't. In Adam's mind, he had always been second in everyone's heart. In all his loves. All the times he gave a piece of his heart to a woman, he remained second and something more valued was first—money, God, service, another man or men—he was never first. The only time he was first was by being the first-born but when Hoss and Joe came along, he was shuffled to the rear because he was the oldest. And Adam thought of the young boy he had been as if he was a stranger, removing himself from the boy. When he did, he saw a lonely, frightened child who used bravado and independence so that his loneliness wouldn't be seen. And although Adam knew that he was now a man in his forties, that child inside him still yearned to be cherished and loved. And Vivian had always put him first—he had thought. But what if it was all a façade and she truly loved another? He couldn't bear it.

He wanted to go back to Vivian, to jerk her up from her chair and demand she confess her sin for he was sure she had sinned—sinned against him. But what then? What would he do? He would have to send her away and he didn't think he could do without her. And she was Lilly's mother. Adam decided that he wouldn't do anything yet but he would watch his wife and if she stepped over the line once more, he would throw her out whether he had any proof of infidelity or not. And he smashed the glass into the back of the fireplace and the flames rose briefly from the whiskey.


	12. Chapter 12

**Twelve**

There were no more large withdrawals from the bank account—actually, Vivian drew out almost no money and when she did, they were small amounts. Vivian gave Adam no reason to doubt her.

At ten months, Adam and Vivian brought Lilly home from the Askew's. Vivian was delighted to have her child with her and spent most of her time in the country only visiting New York once every few weeks. They also found a nurse for the child who would help raise Lilly. Adam saw no reason for it but then Vivian reminded him of the times she would come into the city and Adam would take her out; they needed someone to stay with Lilly, either in the city or the New Canaan house if Lilly stayed behind. Mrs. Ellison was the housekeeper, not hired to watch over their child so Adam acquiesced, not so much because Vivian wanted it but because it was logical. When it came to Lilly, Adam only wanted what was best for her; she was his Lillabeth, his darling heart, as he called her. He would often go into the nursery and watch her sleep, placing his large hand on her back or chest to ensure she was still breathing. And he was always filled with awe at his small daughter.

Family life became Adam's joy. He was in much demand as an architect and had to take on two more draftsmen and his clerk in the outer office was constantly busy. He knocked down the walls of the stockroom and his office to make more room for the draftsmen and rented a warehouse for all the pieces that had to be stored before they could be installed in the new homes. He also bought out the small dress shop next to him for his office, knocked a hole in the wall between them, and created a door. The office also served as a showroom where he placed framed pictures of his creations and certain architectural pieces. But now Adam became responsible for many other people's livelihoods and found that he had to deal with their family issues and problems as well. But when the train pulled into the depot at New Canaan, all his troubles and worries drained away and he could barely wait to see his wife and daughter.

In the summer when the days were longer, sometimes Vivian and Lilly would take the buggy out to meet him and when Lilly would toddle to him on her small, sturdy legs and Vivian would follow, smiling, Adam believed that there could be no greater happiness but when he would be alone with Vivian, he knew that she was his greatest joy, his greatest pleasure.

Often though, there were social responsibilities and Vivian would come to the city and stay in their town house. When Adam needed to entertain clients, they were always charmed by his beautiful, elegant wife. Vivian knew how to make people, especially men, comfortable although Adam noticed that the men's wives would look critically when their husbands fawned over her. But Adam was never jealous as he knew that Vivian was playing the role of the grand hostess.

One evening, Adam and Vivian had returned from dinner out at a client's city home. It was late so Adam didn't go to visit Lilly and kiss her goodnight. They had brought Lilly and her nurse, Mrs. Maxwell, to the city as Vivian had promised three year old Lilly that they would go shopping; Lilly was outgrowing most of her clothes.

Vivian sat at her vanity and reached behind her to unclasp her necklace. She had worn her emeralds, a gift from Adam when they were first married. It was a valuable piece so that was why Vivian, or so she told Adam, rarely wore it anymore but she did that night as it complimented her deep red dress. Adam entered her room and Vivian, surprised by him since it was late, let the necklace slip from her fingers and it hit the wood floor. One of the stones fell out and Adam bent down to pick up the necklace and the loose stone. Vivian held her breath as he turned the stone over in his hand, looking at it. He put it back on the floor and crushed it with his heel and the stone turned to a green dust. Then he looked at Vivian whose eyes widened in apprehension.

Adam took the necklace over to the gas lamp on the wall. He examined it closely and then turned to Vivian.

"What the hell is going on?" Adam asked. "These stones are paste—all of them." He slammed the necklace on the floor and Vivian jumped. Adam stalked over to her. "What happened, Vivian? What happened to the emeralds?"

Vivian opened her mouth as if to speak but said nothing. Adam reached for her jewelry casket that was on the bureau and opened it. He pulled out the boxes of jewels within and examined them, tossing them on the bed before he reached for the next one. He held up her necklace of rubies and diamonds. "These are paste as well." He pulled out her pearls and he held it up. The original length of the pearls ran almost ten feet, made to be wrapped numerous times but Adam saw that a length had been cut off. He looked to Vivian who stood up and moving quickly, she knocked over her vanity bench. It thumped on the floor. She backed up against the wall. Adam approached her.

"I can explain, Adam. I needed the money and since the bank…" Vivian saw the dark look on Adam's face and stopped.

Adam grabbed her arm and jerked her to him. "Tell me, Vivian. Tell me before I do something I might regret."

"Oh, Adam." She began to cry.

"Stop it, Vivian." Adam shook her. "Tell me why you needed the money and I want the truth."

Vivian swallowed and finally stopped her tears. "Do you remember the Christmas ball, the one after Lilly was born?" He nodded. "There was a man there. He remembered me from years ago, from when I was…young and he demanded money or he would tell you about me. I didn't want to lose you, Adam. I couldn't bear it. And then there was Lilly and your business. I couldn't have a scandal destroy you—destroy us. That's why I needed the two thousand that time. That was all he wanted, he said but he kept demanding more and more money so I had to sell the stones and I found a jeweler in New York who was discreet and who would replace the original stones with paste. That's all there is, Adam. That's all."

Adam grabbed her face in one hand. "What would he have told me, Vivian? What would he have said about you?"

"Oh, Adam. Please…" Vivian was at a loss as to what to say.

"Tell me." He felt heat behind his eyes and his rage rose in his throat.

"Before I met you—ages ago it seems, I lived in Chicago and I made my way by… I was kept by wealthy men. I…I didn't want to do it anymore so I left and came to New York and that's when I applied for the job and met you."

"And you found a man foolish enough to marry you, didn't you." Adam pushed her away from him. He laughed derisively. "And I fell for it all, didn't I? Oh, Vivian, you used all your wiles and charms on me; you must have been a very good whore. I couldn't see what you really were or didn't want to see it but if you think that I'm going to let you raise Lilly, if you think that I'm going to allow you to ever come near her again, then you don't know me."

Vivian grabbed his arm and Adam pulled it away. "I do know you and that's why I didn't want you to know about my past." Vivian knew that there was a darkness within Adam, that he could be cruel to those who had betrayed him in any way but she hadn't expected this coldness toward her—not her. He loved her; Vivian knew that but she also knew that to him, treachery was the cardinal sin and he saw her previous silence as treacherous.

"Don't take my child, Adam. I understand if you want nothing more to do with me. I can live with that since I deserve it but don't take Lilly from me, please. I beg you."

Adam went to the door and Vivian grabbed at him again. "No, Adam, please! I'll do anything you like, anything!"

Adam turned and grabbed Vivian around the waist and dragged her over to the bed and threw her on it. He stared down at her and turned and went to the door, pulled the key out of its lock and locked the door from the outside, locking her in the room. Vivian threw herself against the door and pounded on it, begging Adam to let her out. She pled and cried but Adam was determined. He had been made a fool of and he wondered how many men Vivian had been with since their marriage; he was sure they must have been legion.

Adam went to his office. He was too angry to think. He knew he had to be calm and rational but each time he thought he had control of his emotions, he would feel the anger rise up in him again and make him feel as if he was losing his grip on sanity. Even in his office he could hear Vivian pounding on the bedroom door, imploring him to please let her out, to talk to her, begging him not to take her child from her but the more she begged, the more determined he was. He opened the safe and took out the money box, grabbed a handful of bills and stuffed some in his pocket. The rest he held. He went to the nursery on the second floor and woke Mrs. Maxwell to instruct her to take Lilly to the country house. Adam went out to the street and stopped a hackney and waited until finally, Mrs. Maxwell came out holding Lilly in her arms. The child had been hastily dressed and was still half asleep. Adam placed some folded bills in Mrs. Maxwell's reticule hanging on her arm.

"Papa, are you coming too?" Lilly asked and then yawned.

"No," Adam said, kissing the child's dark hair.

"Where's Momma? Is Momma coming? I want Momma to come." Lilly rubbed her eyes.

"Momma's going to be staying here." Adam caught Mrs. Maxwell's eyes and he gave her a stern look. Adam knew that she must have heard some of what had passed between him and his wife. "Now be a good girl and mind Mrs. Maxwell." Adam caressed his child's head and then Adam took Lilly from Mrs. Maxwell while she climbed in. Adam placed the child on her lap and kissed the child's cheek. Lilly reached up and pulled her father to her and kissed him. Adam fought to control his emotions; he would never lose his daughter and he would never allow Vivian to have anything to do with Lilly again, of that he was determined.

"Will you and…will you be arriving soon?" Mrs. Maxwell asked from inside the hired cab.

"I don't know. I'll send you instructions. I think it's about time that Lilly meets her grandfather and her uncles in Nevada."

Mrs. Maxwell was astounded but had no time to respond as Adam gave the driver instructions to take his fares to the train station. He also paid the driver ahead of time and paid him well. Adam stood in the dark night lit only by the gas streetlights, and watched the cab take his daughter away from her wretched mother.

Adam strode back into the house and up the stairs. He went into his office and opened the drawer in his desk and pulled out a gun. Adam checked it to make certain it was loaded and placed it in his waistband. Then he pulled the bedroom key out of his pocket, walked down the hall and unlocked the door. Vivian backed away from him; she was afraid of what he would do now that Lilly was out of the house. Adam approached her and grabbed her by the wrist.

"Who is this man who blackmailed you?" He stared down at her, determined to end things tonight.

"Mr. Lawrence Gregson." She barely dared speak and her voice came out in a whisper.

"Let's pay this Lawrence Gregson a visit." He dragged Vivian behind him while she protested, told him that it was late and that he was too upset to be rational. "Please, Adam, please!"

But Adam wouldn't hear any of it. Outside he couldn't find a cab so he began to lead her down the street. She stumbled behind him as she had no shoes on, having kicked off her shoes before she had sat down to remove her jewelry. Finally Adam saw a cab and hailed it and the man looked suspiciously at them when Adam demanded Gregson's address from his wife and Vivian reluctantly gave it. Adam ordered the driver to take them there and then he pushed Vivian ahead of him into the cab where she sat shivering in the night air. The cab went off into the darkness, a fog beginning to roll in.

Vivian glanced at Adam's profile. He seemed determined, his jaw muscles working and his eyes focused and then Vivian noticed the gun in his waistband; she closed her eyes and sunk against the cushioned seat; she feared that her husband was going to kill her or Gregson or both of them before the night was over.


	13. Chapter 13

**Thirteen**

Adam dragged Vivian up the front steps of the house she said was Gregson's. She tried to pry his hand from her arm, begging him to stop and for them to go home but Adam wouldn't reply. It was a small house which surprised Adam; after all, if what Vivian had said was true, she had paid him hundreds of thousands of dollars over the past three years.

Adam banged with his closed fist on the front door.

"Oh, please, Adam," Vivian sobbed. "You're not thinking straight. Oh, please, please, let's leave before something awful happens. Oh, Adam!" Vivian dropped down to the steps but Adam jerked her back up and banged his fist on the door again. Finally it was opened slightly and a light came through, illuminating Adam's face. Adam shoved the door open and the person on the other side, a man holding a lamp, stumbled back, almost falling. His fear was almost palpable.

"Is this Gregson?" he asked Vivian. She shook her head no.

"Where's Gregson," Adam demanded.

"He's upstairs—asleep." The man who was a butler or valet of some sort, backed away from the dangerous looking man who now stood in the foyer.

"I'm not asleep." A voice came from the stairwell and Adam looked to his right. A short, roundish man stood in a robe at the top of the stairs. Adam released Vivian and she collapsed in a heap on the floor, too upset to stand.

Gregson slowly came down the stairs. "That will be enough, Raymond," he said to the man with the lamp. "Put the lamp down and you may go." Raymond did as he was told and Adam watched Gregson come down the elegant stairwell.

The outside of the house belied the grandeur of the interior. It was a showcase of antiquities of ages past; ancient statues, paintings and vases from both the Mediterranean area and the Orient. But Gregson himself held Adam's interest.

"Welcome to my home, Mr. Cartwright. Yes, I know who you are and not just because you are in the company of Vivian. Since you 'brought' your wife with you and I daresay that I [i]have[/i] seen her lovelier than she is tonight, I can only reach the conclusion that you have discovered the little [i]game[/i] your wife and I have been playing." Gregson smiled and slid his hands casually into his robe pockets.

"Well, the game is now over," Adam said, "and since I now know about her past, I want you to return the money you extorted from her."

Gregson laughed and Adam became angrier. He wanted to smash his fist into the man's sardonic face, to pummel him until Gregson's face was bloody, broken, mushy and unrecognizable. Adam's hands formed into fists.

"Look around you, Mr. Cartwright. These beautiful things are what the money helped purchase. I have no cash available and even if I did, it isn't yours. I kept my side of the bargain with your wife. I didn't tell you. You would have been amused though when I met her at that Christmas party so long ago and took her aside and told her that I recognized her, that I knew she had been the mistress of first, Samuel Spry and then the much older but much wealthier Frederico Porcini. I thought when I told her that she was going to faint but I quickly put her mind to rest. For a mere two thousand dollars, I would remain quiet. But I have such a longing for beautiful things-looking at them—paintings, urns and beautiful women—that I needed to see her again and so we played a little game; she gave me money—in person so that I could fondle her to my delight and satisfaction, not that I am particularly fond of whores, but just because I could—and I would remain silent. She complied.

"You are a fortunate man, Mr. Cartwright. I envy you your marriage bed. How lovely to have Vivian at your beck and call to fulfill your every need and she is so creative at it, isn't she? Didn't you ever wonder where she learned such things?"

Adam's head pounded with hate. Only his iron will kept him from attacking Gregson and throttling him.

Gregson continued to smile. "My guess is that you didn't care to know where she learned to please a man, just that she did so. You see, I, along with a few others, have watched your most beautiful wife in action, down on her knees in front of Porcini while a gathering of his fellow museum collectors was going on, He even lent you out to his friends, didn't he my dear? But then, all things must end and I suppose and as she matured, beautifully, I must say, she began to hate what she did and so she left. Ran off to New York and fortunately—or unfortunately—met you. You are extremely wealthy and that's what made her worth-and I suppose we must call it what it is—blackmailing. But—and this made me laugh—she said that she loved you. Vivian, this common trollop, raised herself up by her noble declaration of love for you—that you were who she valued the most and that your love elevated her above her past. No longer did she crawl on her knees and expose her body for her keep, but for love—love for you. Have you ever heard anything so foolish? I actually laughed."

Adam glanced back at Vivian who was slumped on the floor and covering her face with her hands; Adam's heart softened toward her. But he immediately turned cold again. Vivian had always been his weakness; he would always do anything for her, anything and he had always indulged her in his determination to see Vivian happy. He had allowed her to turn his world upside down and he wouldn't allow it again; this time he would protect his heart.

Adam stared at Gregson and then he slowly smiled. Gregson showed his uneasiness; up to now, he had been in control but something had shifted and he feared the dark-haired man before him.

"Raymond," Gregson called, fear chilling his voice.

Raymond, who obviously had just gone as far as the next room, came cowering out.

"Go get a constable. Now. Tell them that I have had two people, Mr. and Mrs. Cartwright, invade my home and threaten violence." Gregson backed up a step and Raymond went scurrying out. "Now, if anything happens to me, Raymond will know who did it and so will the police. I suggest that you leave."

Adam stepped closer and Gregson backed up even more, his face showing his fear of Adam.

"I want you to give her back her money." And Adam pulled his gun and aimed it at Gregson who threw his arms over his face.

Vivian cried out: "Oh, Adam, please." She rose and stumbled toward Adam but Adam just pushed her back and then fired, not at Gregson, but at a large Chinese vase that sat on a rosewood stand. The vase shattered and Gregson looked and then cried out, He dropped to his knees and picked up the shards.

"Do you realize what you've done?" Gregson said as he held the pieces of his vase as if offering them to some god. "This vase is priceless, thousands of years old."

Adam glanced around and then saw a bust of some Hellenic hero, obviously a museum piece, the nose already chipped off from the years of lying in the ground. Adam aimed between the head's empty eyes and fired; he shattered the bust with one shot.

"No, no!" Gregson cried. He ran to the pieces on the tabletop. "This was an authentic Greek antiquity!" Gregson turned on Adam. "You are a barbarian! An obscene pagan with no reverence for beauty or history!" He reached into his robe pocket, pulled out a pistol and fired.

Adam fell back against the wall and dropped his gun. He grabbed his shoulder which he hoped wasn't shattered and his right arm hung helplessly at his side. The thought flashed through Adam's mind that were Gregson a better shot, he'd be dead. The blood spread out onto his white dress shirt and brocade vest. Vivian rushed to him as he slid to the floor.

"Oh, Adam. My darling, my darling." Vivian kneeled in front of him and then she stood up, lifted the skirt of her dress and reached under it to untie one of her petticoats, stepping out of it when it pooled around her feet. She ripped a large piece from the hem, folded it and pushed it against Adam's shoulder under his shirt in an effort to staunch the bleeding "Hold this." She touched Adam's forehead and then pushed back the stray locks of his dark hair. "It will be all right. I'll get a cab and take you to the doctor's. Just wait, my darling, I'll be back as soon as I hail one."

"Don't, Vivian. I don't want anything from you—not anymore." And Adam closed his eyes trying to think. He knew that the police would come and that there would be charges—probably just against him. He was glad Lilly was on her way to the country and that his small daughter wouldn't see him this way. Adam fought to stay in control, to keep from going into shock as the pain seared through him. Adam imagined that a hot branding iron held against bare flesh felt the same way, and because his eyes were shut, he didn't see Vivian's face, see the pain that gripped her when she realized that Adam held no love for her at all—not anymore. And she was desolate.


	14. Chapter 14

**Fourteen**

The next morning Adam was able to sit up in a chair, his right arm in a sling. Although the doctor had left orders for Adam to remain in bed for a few days, he eschewed any advice and insisted on getting up. He waited impatiently for his lawyer to arrive. Mrs. Ellison had brought him coffee and sweet biscuits and he sat with the cup and saucer balanced on the chair arm, managing to sip his coffee between bites of biscuit. Mrs. Ellison fussed over Adam since last night, worried and upset, especially since the Missus hadn't visited her injured husband. Adam hadn't asked about his wife either. Even though Adam would have denied Vivian admittance to his room, he had hoped she would try. Part of him wanted to be done with her and part of him still yearned to see Vivian's face, to kiss her and to feel her against him, to tell her he was sorry and to beg her forgiveness.

There was a knock on the door, and Adam, hoping it was Vivian, asked who it was.

"It's me." The deep voice of his lawyer, Morgan Fenwick, boomed from the other side.

"Come."

Fenwick opened the door and removed his hat, tossing it on a side table. "So how's the invalid?" He sat on the other brown leather chair and smiled sardonically.

"I'm healing," Adam replied, "at least from the flesh wound. It seems one doesn't as quickly recover from a bout of stupidity."

"All men are stupid when they're in love. Stupid and a little insane. How are you and Vivian?" Fenwick wanted to hear the state of his client's marriage from Adam himself.

"Help yourself to coffee," Adam said, motioning to the tray on a table which held all the necessary china, utensils, cream, sugar and a large coffee pot. There was also the tin of biscuits.

"Your housekeeper said that Vivian hasn't been out of her rooms—but she's packing her things." Adam said nothing and Fenwick poured himself coffee. "Gregson chose not to press charges, by the way, nor ask for recompense for his destroyed items; I think he may be afraid to state how much they were worth—might raise questions. So, tell me, why did you shoot up the crockery?"

Adam gave a small laugh. "Because he loved them. He destroyed what I loved so I returned the favor."

"You can be a son-of-a-bitch sometimes, Adam. Why did you 'summon' me? I would have arrived eventually and I still have some matters to tend to on your behalf."

"I want you to make arrangements for my daughter and her nurse to go to my family's place in Nevada as soon as possible. This afternoon. They're in New Canaan. Wire Mrs. Maxwell my instructions and then I'll write my father and let him know they're coming."

"You've been shot, Adam. You're right arm's in a sling or did you forget that? How are you going to write?"

"I'll manage. Don't worry about me."

"You don't care how much it hurts, do you, Adam? You'll always accomplish your single-minded intent. When I was a child and being a stubborn little cuss, my mother used to tell me that I would cut off my nose to spite my face. I could say the same about you." Adam looked at Fenwick but said nothing. "I never worry about you, Adam-you always manage to land on your feet and usually on top of your opponent-but now Vivian—I worry about her." Fenwick watched Adam carefully.

Before he had reached Adam's bedroom door, Fenwick had stopped by Vivian's room, gently knocked and she had opened her door. He was taken aback; Fenwick had never seen Vivian when she wasn't happy and beautiful but she was now pale and had dark circles under her eyes. Her hair was severely pulled back and she wore black as if in mourning and her face was swollen with crying. Fenwick could see the open portmanteaus and valises on her massive, high bed; she was packing.

Vivian stepped back to allow Fenwick to enter. "Hello, Morgan. It's nice to see you."

"You too, Vivian. Are you going somewhere?"

"Yes. Away." She walked over to her bureau and took down her large jewelry casket. "I'm not taking these. The ones that I…these are all genuine stones and the rest of the pearls are in there. I leave them in your trust. I won't be taking them. You can tell Adam that-all I want is to see Lilly, to not lose her."

"Vivian," Fenwick said placing the heavy jewelry casket on her vanity. He noticed how even Vivian's room which was bright with damasked roses on the chairs' upholstery and an Aubusson rug on the floor, seemed muted. "Let me talk to Adam first. He's a reasonable man and he does love you—a man can't hide that. I don't know quite what happened between the two of you, just what I found out from the police and it was Gregson's information; I'm sure that Adam has a different version of events. Let me talk to him about you before you leave."

"You don't understand, Morgan. Adam told me to get out. He said that if I was still here when he's able, he'll bodily throw me out. He will. He hates me now and I don't blame him. I knew he would. That's why I tried…I didn't want him to know but it's all over now. All I want is my child and…" Vivian broke down into sobs and Fenwick held her to him, then sat with her on the side of the bed, his arm around her. "He said that he'll see to it I never see Lilly again. Oh, Morgan, what can I do? He doesn't want me anymore, he doesn't want me."

Morgan patted her shoulder as he tried to comfort her. "Let me talk to him. In time, he'll come around. You'll see."

But now as Fenwick sat across from Adam, he wasn't so sure. Adam was a stubborn, determined man; that was part of the reason he was a good businessman but it made for a poor husband in Fenwick's opinion.

"Vivian isn't your concern," Adam said. "You're my lawyer and I'm asking you to see to it that my daughter and her nurse arrive as quickly as possible at the Ponderosa. I want them to leave today. Have I made myself clear?"

"Adam," Fenwick said, leaning forward, "a child, especially a girl child needs her mother. What about Vivian? Why not send her with them?"

"Vivian isn't worthy of raising a mongrel pup. Now, do as I ask. Please, Morgan."

Fenwick sighed and stood up, placing his cup and saucer on the table.

"All right. I'll go take care of it. I'll set up the train reservations and then check where the end of the line is and what stage they should take. I'll let you know."

"Good," Adam said, "and one other thing." Fenwick turned and Adam paused. "Set up a separate bank account for Vivian. Start her with a thousand and see she receives two hundred a month from now on."

Fenwick nodded and left the room. He hesitated outside Vivian's bedroom door. He wanted to tell Vivian about his instructions, tell her where her daughter was going and about the money but he worked for Adam Cartwright and that was to whom he owed his loyalties. But that didn't keep him from muttering under his breath as he put on his hat, "Cold-hearted bastard."

Later that afternoon, there was a knock on his door and Adam, knowing that it was Vivian, told her to come in. He was sitting at his desk, painstakingly writing a letter to his father. Fenwick had sent him a note by courier informing him of the travel agenda for his daughter and Mrs. Maxwell so he had the information to convey to his father.

The door opened and Vivian stepped just inside the threshold.

"I came to tell you I'm leaving now." Vivian stood with her hands in front of her holding a small valise.

Adam noticed that her voice quavered. He also noticed that she looked worn, beaten down and her vitality was quashed.

"I had Morgan set up a bank account for you," he said, turning in his chair to face her. "You have a thousand now and will receive another two hundred a month. Not enough for you to live too extravagantly but enough where you won't have to sell yourself to survive. After all, you are getting on in years, Vivian. You won't be worth much on the market for long."

"You are cruel," Vivian said, her tears starting again. "You have to hurt me over and over, don't you? Did you ever love me, Adam? Did you? I thought you did but I don't see how you could have and despise me so much now."

"Let me ask you-did you ever love me, Vivian?" Adam stood and approached her. "Did you? Or was I just a way to a means? Just a way for you to be the rich, beautiful, Vivian Cartwright, the envy of all women, the object of lust for all men? Tell me Vivian." Adam stared into her eyes and he longed for her to say that she loved him and that she cherished him above everyone and everything but she said nothing at all and his heart fell.

"Where's Lilly? Is she still at the country house?" Vivian's lips quivered as she was determined not to cry. Adam said nothing.

When she realized there would be no answer, Vivian turned and quickly walked down the stairs where her baggage sat by the front door, tears rolling down her cheeks and she picked up another small valise and went out. Mrs. Ellison standing at the doorway, wiped her eyes with her apron as the hack driver took the rest of the luggage. Then the cab drove away and Vivian collapsed into tears in the privacy of the covered seat.

Adam had sat back down after Vivian had left. Then he rose and went to the window and looked down. He saw Vivian as she climbed into the hackney cab below. He fought the urge to open the casement and call to her, bellow for her to come back inside, to say that all was forgiven, but he couldn't— not now. It was too late. So Adam watched the small cab drive away, the driver climbing to his place and snapping the reins to start the horse.


	15. Chapter 15

**Fifteen**

Ben sat quietly, listening as he smoked his favorite pipe; it was well-seasoned. He hadn't expected Adam to have such a story to relate, such a heart-breaking tale of lost love, betrayal and no chance for redemption—at least from Adam's viewpoint.

"So what are your plans?" Ben quietly asked.

"I have too many people depending on me for their livelihood for me to just close up my office in New York and return here. And I'm a good architect." Adam wryly grinned at his father. "See. That small fortune you spent on my education has proved profitable."

Ben laughed half-heartedly. "Adam, you haven't asked for my advice…"

"No, I haven't. There's not any more that can be done about my marriage, Pa; I have to think about Lilly. I suppose that I'll take her back to New York and put her in a boarding school when she's of age but I'd like her to stay here for another year or two."

"To keep her from her mother?"

"Yes."

"I can't agree with that. Vivian sounds as if she was a good mother—not perfect—no parent is perfect and I'm sure that you can attest to that regarding my ability. God knows I made enough mistakes raising you three, but Lilly loves her mother and according to what you told me, she spent quite a bit of time with her mother. I don't think you should keep them apart. Why not let her spend time with Vivian? I'm sure that the two of you and your lawyer can work something out even if you plan to divorce her."

"No. I don't want her to have anything to do with Lilly. She'll never see Lilly again." Adam stood up. He was still restless and upset over Vivian.

"So that's how you're going to punish Vivian? By denying her Lilly."

"No. It's…." Adam knew that his father was right. He was so angry at Vivian that he had wanted to hurt her and he knew that taking Lilly away from her would almost destroy her. He had only been thinking of his own pain and wanted to hurt Vivian as much as he was hurt.

"Odd, isn't it?" Ben said as he puffed on his pipe. "The most important decision we make, who we want as our partner through life, the one person we choose to spend our days and nights with and have our children with we make purely from emotion—not by a logical, rational process."

Adam looked at his father. "And that's why I made such a poor decision?" Adam asked his father. "Is that what you're saying?"

"Did you make a poor decision?" Ben looked questioningly at Adam.

"Pa, I had enough of Socratic questioning during college. But…I don't know. I did love Vivian—too much maybe. I loved her not wisely but too well? Is that what you're saying? Because unlike Othello, I didn't strangle my unfaithful Desdemona."

"Oh," Ben said, feigning confusion. "I must have missed the part where Vivian was unfaithful to you. Just where in your story was that? Do you mean where she let herself be manhandled by that…what was his name? The blackmailer?"

"Gregson."

"That's right—Gregson. I don't know that I'd consider that betrayal—sounds more as if she was desperately in love with you and was willing to withstand anything in order to keep her marriage intact. Of course I don't really know but if I remember my Shakespeare correctly-but then I'm not college-educated…"

Adam glanced at his father and rolled his eyes.

"So you correct me if I'm wrong, son, but Desdemona wasn't unfaithful to Othello, was she? She loved him with her whole soul and he killed her due to the machinations of Iago. Desdemona loved Othello—fatally loved him and he killed the only woman he truly adored—truly loved. Such a sad play. Don't you think so, Adam? Othello didn't believe Desdemona."

"I don't need to defend myself to you," Adam said.

Ben stood up and knocked the tobacco out of his pipe on the side of the fireplace so that the contents fell into the dying flames. "You just need to defend your decision to yourself. Goodnight, son." Ben went to the stairs and three steps up, he stopped. "I haven't actually told you yet but I adore Lilly. She is an exquisite, charming child. Stunningly beautiful. I would imagine that she's much like her mother was. I hope her future doesn't involve a distrustful husband. And I'm glad you're home, Adam—even if it is for a short time. You may be a grown man but I still worry about you but now that you're a parent, I suppose you understand. If you want to leave Lilly with us, we would love to have her. And for a woman's touch, well, I'll ask Laura to have her over a few times a week. I know that Peggy is too old to be Lilly's playmate but Laura did such a good job raising Peggy that I'm sure she'd be a good, motherly influence on Lilly as well."

Adam watched his father through narrowed eyes. He knew his father was shrewd and was getting to his point in a circuitous manner.

Ben took two more steps and stopped again and turned. "You don't hold it against Laura that she fell in love with Will while engaged to you, do you? I mean, you don't think that would make her a bad mother, do you, that she fell in love with another man while engaged to someone else?"

"Good night, Pa. Your point has been made."

"Good night, Adam," Ben said stifling a grin.

But Ben did smile to himself when he heard Adam mutter, "Crafty, old fox."

Adam stayed two weeks and then told his family at breakfast that he needed to go back to New York; he had work that had piled up now for almost two months. He also had to see about selling the house in New Canaan.

"Can I go with you, Pa?" Lilly eagerly asked. She had started calling him Pa since she had been around Hoss and Joe.

"Next thing I know," Adam had said when Lilly first called him "Pa" at dinner and his family had laughed, "She'll be chewing tobacco and cussing up a storm." But Adam didn't mind the name although Lilly never wanted to wear any of her dresses or hair ribbons and Mrs. Maxwell was at a loss. All Lilly wanted was to tag along behind Adam and constantly ask him if she could go with him whenever he saddled up. If he could, he took her and she sat in front of him on the saddle as she did at home. If he couldn't, Lilly cried and stomped about and Adam threatened to put her over his knee but Mrs. Maxwell would usually intervene and take her inside.

"No, Lilly, I'll be too busy with all the things I need to do and won't be home much. You stay here with Grandpa and your uncles and Mrs. Maxwell."

"But why can't I go? Momma can take care of me at the house. Why can't I stay with Momma?"

Adam blew out a breath. "Lilly, I don't have time for this today, I have to catch the stage at 10:00. Now do you want to come with me and Grampa to town to see me off?"

Lilly thought about it, her brow furrowed. Then she nodded.

"I didn't hear you say anything," Adam said.

"Yes," she mumbled.

"Yes, what?" The whole table sat silently while Adam waited for Lilly to answer.

"Yes sir." Lilly said unpleasantly.

"Thank you. Now finish your breakfast and sit up straight."

Lilly shifted in her chair and put another spoonful of oatmeal in her mouth, chewed it and then reluctantly swallowed it. She scooped up another spoonful but then slammed down the spoon. "I don't like oatmeal! I want pancakes!"

Mrs. Maxwell leaned over and picked up the spoon and with her napkin, wiped the oatmeal off the tablecloth. "Hop Sing isn't here this morning to fix you pancakes and the oatmeal is as you like it. I think you need to go upstairs, Lilly, if you're not going to eat…"

"MEIYING! My name is Meiying!" Lilly yelled at Mrs. Maxwell and slammed down both fists on the table top. "And I wanna go home to Momma! I don't wanna stay here anymore!"

Adam stood up, furious with his daughter. "Lilly!" But Lilly burst into tears and crossing her small arms on the table top, laid her head on them and sobbed that she wanted to go home with her Pa. She wanted her Momma.

Adam scooped her up and carried her out on the porch. He sat in the rocking chair and held Lilly in his lap, stroking her small head as she lay it against his chest, and let her cry. Finally her sobs slowly ceased and she asked, "Don't you miss Momma?"

Adam sat in silence for a few seconds and then quietly answered, "Yes, I miss her." Adam realized how very much he did miss Vivian but then reminded himself of her duplicity and he convinced himself again that he had done the correct thing in sending her away and in the long run, Lilly would be better off as well. Yes, he told himself—he had done the right thing.

Adam heard the door open and his father came out. Ben kneeled down by the rocking chair and Lilly raised her head.

Adam cleared his throat. "Lilly, what should you say to your grandfather about your behavior at breakfast?"

In a small voice, Lilly said, "I'm sorry, Grandpa."

Ben chuckled and tousled her curls. She had refused to let Mrs. Maxwell brush her hair that morning, pulling away and crying that "It hurts!" and her hair was a mass of unkempt curls. She also wouldn't wear the pinafore over her gingham dress and insisted on wearing her boots instead of her shoes. "Well, you've come by that temper honestly, Missy," Ben said. "But you know, I have an idea. How about if you, I and Mrs. Maxwell ride into town to see your father off and then, after he leaves on the stage, we can pick up the Sheriff…"

"Sheriff Roy?" Lilly sat up and her excitement was obvious. She had grown to like "Sheriff Roy" as she called him; he always stopped and talked to her whenever he saw her with her grandpa or one of her uncles in Virginia City, asking her questions and patiently listening while she elaborated on all her answers and when he would come to visit Mrs. Maxwell, he would tell Lilly a story before she went to bed. Ben had remarked that he had no idea the old rooster knew bedtime stories about princesses and fairies and evil stepmothers.

"Well," Roy said in his defense, "Years ago, Mary and I helped raise my sister's passel of chicks. I've got stories I haven't even told yet."

"Yes, Sheriff Roy," Ben continued, "and we'll go have lunch and you can have any dessert you want. How does that sound?"

Lilly nodded, smiling, and then wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

Adam helped Lilly down from his lap. "Now go get your hair brushed and put on a nice dress if you're going to come to town with us."

"Okay," she said and Adam gave her a light swat before she ran into the house, calling out for Mrs. Maxwell.

"She's something else," Ben said as he watched Lilly leave. "So," Ben said, turning his attention back to Adam, "what are your plans once you get back to New York?"

"Well," Adam said, still sitting and beginning to rock again, "as far as the tobacco farms, I think my partner, Caleb Jackson, can probably handle it and I trust him to see that I receive my share of the profits. I'm through with race horses so I'll sell them, sell the house in New Canaan, file for a divorce and then, well, I have Lilly to raise and see she's educated. When she's old enough, I'll send her away to school."

"So you don't plan to let her see her mother?"

"No."

"I don't know that I agree with that, Adam."

"It doesn't matter."

Ben sighed with frustration. "If you're going to send Lilly away to school, leave her here with us instead. I'll see she's educated."

"Oh, send her to the little schoolhouse we have here in Virginia City? I want Lilly to be educated in Switzerland or France—not in this place."

"It was good enough for you."

"That may be," Adam said, standing up, "but it's not good enough for my daughter and I won't have her live here and marry some rancher or worse and have child after child and have him raise his hand to her. She's better than that and she'll be even more beautiful than her mother is. She deserves a prince not some hard-scrabble farmer." Adam stalked off and Ben shook his head. Adam didn't seem to understand exactly what he was doing to his daughter. Having a family and being loved were the most important things, Ben thought, in raising a child and Lilly's future once she was older was her choice, not Adam's. But at least, Ben thought, he would have Lilly with him for a while longer. And he dreaded the time when the summons would come for Lilly to return to New York.


	16. Chapter 16

**Sixteen**

Having seen Adam and his carpet bag, Ben holding his granddaughter's hand and Mrs. Maxwell at the stage depot, Roy Coffee had come strolling up, grinning widely.

"Well, Ben," Roy said after greeting them and picking up Lilly so that she could hug his neck, "looks like you have the company of the two prettiest females in these here parts."

Adam shook his head in amusement. "You are the charmer aren't you?"

Roy was about to respond when they heard the stage arriving in the distance and watched as it slowed down and came to a stop. Roy set Lilly down on the sidewalk and Adam bent down and picked up his bag while the depot master came out with the set of wooden stairs to place in front of the coach. A well-dressed man stepped down followed by a large, buxom woman who needed the man's assistance to debark.

"Pa," Lilly began again, "can't I go too? I'll be good. Can't I go?"

Ben kneeled down. "But Lilly, what about our lunch? Sheriff Roy will be squiring Mrs. Maxwell and if you leave me, I'll have no one to keep me company."

Ben stood up to say something to Adam but Adam was staring ahead as if struck. Ben though of the cattle he had seen on their way to be slaughtered and how they stood, stunned, for just a mere second after having been slammed between the eyes with a sledge hammer and then their legs buckled and they went down. That's what Adam reminded him of—a stunned beast. And then Ben heard Lilly in a hushed voice, almost reverently, say, "Momma."

Ben looked and a beautiful woman stood at the door of the stage. She stared ahead at Adam and then she gasped as if finally realizing she needed to breathe. She looked away from Adam and cried out, "Lilly!"

"Momma, Momma," Lilly said jumping up and down. Vivian came down the two steps and dropped to her knees on the sidewalk while Lilly threw herself into Vivian's outstretched arms.

"Oh, Momma, I knew you'd come!" Lilly said in hushed tones. "I knew it!"

Vivian just held her daughter and kissed her cheeks and then held the child's face in her gloved hands and looked at her. "Oh, my Lilly, I've missed you so and I'm glad that I found you."

"Papa's here too," Lilly said. Lilly pointed to Adam who had yet to say anything or even move.

Vivian stood up but held tightly onto Lilly's hand. "Hello, Adam. I'm glad that you're…better."

"Aren't you going to kiss him, Momma? Pa?" Lilly looked back and forth from her mother to her father.

"What are you doing here, Vivian?" Adam held himself in control as he was overcome with emotion at seeing her again; his old feelings for Vivian came crashing down over him like waves do during a violent storm.

Ben, Roy and Mrs. Maxwell stood not knowing what to say or do—obviously uncomfortable at the situation.

"Pa said you were on a trip, Momma. Are you going to stay here with me? Pa's going back to the house."

"No," Adam said. "I've changed my mind. I think I'll stay here a while longer." He dropped his bag and turned to his father. "Pa, I'll be around a few more days. Lilly, go eat with Pa. You mother and I have to talk."

"But I want to stay with Momma," Lilly whined as she pulled closer to her mother's skirts, almost hiding in them.

Mrs. Maxwell spoke up. "It's good to see you, Miss Vivian. If you like, I'll take Lilly with me to the Imperial House. We were all going to have lunch there after the Mister left. Perhaps, you could join us later after your…talk?" Mrs. Maxwell looked to Ben who had been so affected by the situation that he had been practically mute.

"Of course, of course. Where are my manners? I'm Lilly's grandfather, Ben Cartwright, and I am so pleased to meet you, Vivian—such a beautiful name for a beautiful woman. I regret we haven't met before this but Adam never told us he had married."

Vivian glanced at Adam and then dropped her eyes. She took a deep breath and smiled gently at Ben. "Well perhaps he was ashamed of me."

"I doubt that. Knowing Adam, it's more likely he didn't want to share you. He was selfish to keep you from us and I'm happy to finally meet the woman who gave me such a lovely granddaughter. I adore her and therefore, I love you." Ben held Vivian's shoulders and bent down to kiss her gently.

"Thank you, Mr. Cartwright. You're very kind." Vivian feared she was going to cry at his kindness.

"I'm not kind—you are deserving of far more, but I have been inexcusably rude. Please, won't you join us for lunch, Vivian?"

"Do, Momma!" Lilly began to jump up and down again and clap her hands with excitement.

Vivian looked to Adam who said nothing; just looked intently at her, challenging her.

Vivian set her jaw, determined not to be cowed under. "I would love to. Now you go with Mrs. Maxwell and your grandpa, Lilly. I'll join you after your father and I talk."

Lilly smiled. "Good! I know how to order, Momma. Grandpa lets me order whatever I want. Can Momma do it too?" Lilly asked Ben.

"Of course she can. Let's all go now." Ben glanced at Adam who had yet to take his eyes off Vivian.

But before they left for the restaurant. Vivian bent down and hugged Lilly to her again, kissing her face and hair. "I love you, my darling."

"I love you too. Momma." And the group walked away across the street. Lilly, holding Ben's hand, turned and waved at her mother once more and then skipped along with Ben's long strides.

Adam took Vivian by the arm and pulled her away from the other people milling at the depot window.

"What the hell are you doing here? I don't want you to have anything to do with Lilly. I thought I had made that clear. If I need to have you jailed to get my point across, I will."

"And what charge will you use?" Vivian asked. "You told me to leave and I did but I have every right to find my daughter. She's my child and you can't deny me her."

"I can and I will. I didn't want to use your past against you this way but I will. I'll have you deemed an unfit mother and the court will keep you away."

"I'm a good mother," Vivian said, trying not to cry. "I love Lilly. Oh, Adam, haven't you broken my heart enough? Why do you hate me so? I couldn't tell you about myself, my past, because I was afraid you wouldn't love me and I see now that I was right to be afraid. You're a cruel man, a vindictive man."

"Vindictive? Oh, no, Vivian, you deserve far worse than I've meted out; I've been kind since you're Lilly's mother. It's not your past that I hold against you, I could have dealt with that. After all, you weren't an absolute angel of purity with me. You allowed me liberties before we were married and I thought it was because your passion for me was as great as mine for you. Funny what distance does but I see now that you were so generous with your favors to trap me, to give me just a taste so that I would definitely marry you in order to enjoy all your charms. And you, my dear wife, you're guilty of the sin of omission. I could have forgiven you your history—no matter how unsavory—but you were dishonest. You made a fool of me, Vivian. How many men saw us together, knew of your past and laughed at me behind my back? How many knew that I had married a common whore, that I had been duped into thinking I had married a woman who loved just me, not knowing that you had serviced…how many men, Vivian? Do you even know?"

Vivian managed to get to a bench on the sidewalk and sat heavily before her legs gave out. "I wanted to tell you, Adam. You stopped me. Remember?" She seemed to recover her courage. "You won't keep me from Lilly."

"I sure as hell am going to try. How did you find her?"

"You don't give me much credit, do you? I would stand on the corner of our street and watch the house, waiting to see if you had brought Lilly there but days went by and there was no sign of anyone except you. Then even you stopped coming out. I went to your office and you weren't there either. I saw Mrs. Ellison once and approached her. She was afraid to tell me anything but she said that all she knew was that you told her that she needn't go to New Canaan. I went out there, took the train-hired a cab, and there was no one except Jethro. He was exercising the horses and said that you were going to sell them—even the race horses. He also told me that no one had been to the house except you since Lilly and Mrs. Maxwell left weeks ago.

"I should have thought of Nevada sooner but although you spoke of your family on occasion, you didn't write them—I thought you were estranged. But I had run out of ideas of where Lilly might be so I came here. After all, I had nothing to lose. Quite the bit of irony that you would be leaving just as I arrived, isn't it? You always appreciated irony, Adam."

The stage pulled away without Adam. His luggage and Vivian's still stood on the sidewalk where they had been dropped.

"You need to take the next stage out Vivian—to anywhere. Just go. If you want more money, I'll give it to you."

Vivian pulled out a handkerchief and wiped her eyes. She braced her shoulders and stood up, smoothing out the skirt of her dress. "I didn't come here for money and I was invited to lunch and I'm going. Try to stop me." And Vivian, shaking in disbelief that she had stood up to a determined, angry Adam, walked across the street to the Imperial House.

Adam watched Vivian's supple figure as she walked and let out a shaky breath. He sat down on the bench and dropped his head in his hands. "Damn her," Adam said as he realized his hands were unsteady. Vivian had gotten to him again, struck him to his very core. He still loved her, still desired her, still wanted to see her happy and laughing; he almost groaned with his overpowering passions that had returned when he saw her again but his self-imposed misery was interrupted.

"Hey, Adam," the depot master called out, "what about all this luggage?"

"Just…just hold on to mine—that carpet bag. Send the others to the hotel. Tell whoever is at the desk that a room will be booked in a while." He turned back to watch Vivian as she reached the Imperial House and walked in. He had to admire her; she was brave. But he wondered what they would all do now. Vivian had called his bluff. He wouldn't go to court; he wouldn't expose her decadent past and he never wanted Lilly to know about her mother; he couldn't do that to his daughter—or to Vivian.


	17. Chapter 17

**Seventeen**

Adam went to the Imperial House and Lilly was delighted to see him. He had pulled a chair from another table and sat on one side of Lilly while Vivian sat on the other. Lilly could hardly manage her joy.

"You going to stay, Pa? Now that Momma's here, are you going to stay?"

"Just a little while longer," Adam had said. The others ordered lunch but Adam only drank coffee and picked food off Lily's abandoned plate; she was too excited to eat. Nor did Adam talk but just watched Vivian who kept glancing at him, nervously waiting for him to say something.

Lilly was ebullient. She could barely sit in her chair and chattered on telling her mother of everything that had happened to her in the two months and although Vivian told her that she should let others talk and that Lilly could tell her everything later, Lilly couldn't contain herself. Ben just laughed and told Vivian that he enjoyed hearing all the news from Lilly—no matter how old it was; it always seemed to include things he had missed. After all, he had said, there were some things she was revealing that he didn't know; she was a font of information.

"I guess," Roy said, "little pitchers do have big ears." Everyone chuckled except Adam who seemed to be watching from a distance. Even his chair was further from the table than the others'.

Lilly started giggling and covered her mouth with her hands and then reached out for her mother to whisper in her ear.

"Lilly," Vivian said, "it's rude to whisper. You shouldn't keep secrets."

Adam gave a snort of derision. "No, don't keep secrets, Lilly. That would be…'rude', wouldn't it Vivian?"

Vivian refused to look at Adam and all the others shifted uncomfortably at the tension between husband and wife.

Lilly spoke up, unaware of the meaning behind Adam's remark. "I saw Sheriff Roy kiss Nana on the porch." She giggled again and looked at her mother who smiled. Mrs. Maxwell blushed and Roy stammered a bit.

"Well," Roy said, "do you mind, Miss Lilly? You know I'm a little sweet on you but I'd have to wait too long for you to grow up. Now Mrs. Maxwell, she's about my age."

"Ah, Sheriff Roy, you're teasing me!" Lilly said smiling.

"Let me ask you, then, Lilly," Roy said, "now that your mother's going to be staying for a while—and I hope you are, ma'am-do you mind if I take your nurse out for a ride tonight?"

"No," Lilly said, "that's okay." And then Lilly asked, giggling, "Are you going to kiss her again?"

"Lilly!" Vivian said and Mrs. Maxwell blushed again.

But Roy leaned in to pretend that he was only speaking to Lilly who waited eagerly. "Probably."

"Sheriff Coffee!" Mrs. Maxwell, flushed all over again and Ben laughed while Vivian smiled.

Even Adam had a small grin but then he said in a quiet voice, "Lilly, you need to be quiet now. And your mother won't be staying at the Ponderosa." He looked at Vivian. "I told the depot manager to have your bags taken to the hotel. I'll pay for the room."

"That won't be necessary," Vivian said coldly. "I can manage the bill."

Ben cleared his throat and spoke up. "It won't be necessary for anyone to pay the bill, Vivian, because you will be staying at the Ponderosa." Adam opened his mouth as if to protest but Ben just kept on talking. "After all, as long as I'm around, I'll say who is welcome and you, Vivian, are most welcome. I'm sure that Hoss and Joe will be happy to meet you as well. More than happy. We've speculated about you but I have to say, you far exceed anything we could have envisioned. You are glorious."

Adam almost rolled his eyes. "Aren't you being a bit hyperbolic?" Adam said.

"Aren't you being a bit snide?" Vivian shot back. But before Adam could respond, Vivian turned back to Ben. "I would love to meet your other sons."

Lilly smiled and clapped her small hands. "That's Uncle Joe and Uncle Hoss. Uncle Hoss is really big, Momma, and he showed me how to take care of Sunny. And, Momma, can I stay with you and sleep in your room?"

"Yes, Lilly," Vivian said. "I don't see why not." She glanced at Adam.

Ben turned to Adam. "Are you taking the next stage east?"

"No. I think I'll stay here for a few more days." He looked carefully at Vivian who refused to drop her gaze.

"Then why don't you go see to your wife's luggage? There's room in the buckboard for it—even with your carpet bag and you."

Adam gave a laugh that was far from humorous. "You're the bull of the Ponderosa, father. You give the orders." And Adam rose and left while Vivian watched him walk away. She knew that she would have a showdown with him yet but she was determined not to give up Lilly.

"I don't think he's called me 'father' since he was a sarcastic 14 year old and using it as a term of respect to show disrespect," Ben said. "I guess he hasn't changed that much." And Ben turned back to try to get to know his daughter-in-law better. She surprised Ben in that she jumped to Adam's defense.

"I'm sure Adam doesn't mean that disrespectfully," Vivian said. "He's just been….through a bad time. He only needs understanding."

"Yes, of course," Ben said. He knew then not to say anything the least bit negative about Adam—Vivian wouldn't have it, and he asked Vivian questions about herself but she was guarded in her responses. Ben wondered if Adam had told him everything and if there was any hope for his son and his wife.

"Momma," Lilly said, "why don't you come sit back here with Pa and me?" Ben drove the horses and Vivian sat beside him and Mrs. Maxwell beside her. Adam reluctantly had climbed into the bed of the buckboard and Lilly sat beside him.

"Your mother would ruin her dress," Adam said. "Now sit back, Lillabeth. It's a long ride." Adam pulled Lilly on his lap as she had already twice tried to stand and with the rocking of the buckboard, she could easily fall.

"But don't you want her to sit back here with us? Are you mad at her?" Lilly asked.

Ben glanced at Vivian who stared straight ahead, alert for what Adam would say.

"No, I'm not mad at her. Now sit back and enjoy the ride home or you'll ruin your dress too." Adam didn't know what he felt and that alone upset him. While away from Vivian, he had longed for her and now that she was here, he was angry with her and angry with himself for wanting her; she was stubborn and infuriating and his desire for her grew greater with each breath he took.

"Lilly, go downstairs, would you? I want to talk to your mother." Adam stood just inside the door to the bedroom given to Vivian. Lilly was sitting on the vanity bench swinging her feet and chatting, telling her mother about everything and anything while Vivian unpacked some of her bags. There was a portmanteau open on the bed and Vivian was taking the folded items and placing them in bureau drawers.

"Can't I stay, Pa? I want to tell Momma about the cows and show her the chickens. I told her that sometimes the chickens go away and I can't find them anywhere. And there are some baby chicks."

Adam kneeled by the bench. "Lillabeth. I tell you what. After I'm through talking to your mother, I'll send her out and you can show her anything you want."

"Even the pigs?" Lilly giggled thinking about how bad the sty smelled.

Adam glanced at Vivian. "Well, Lilly, that's up to you and your mother. Now, go on and round up the baby chicks. Hop Sing will give you some feed, okay?"

"Okay?" Lilly climbed down from the stool. "Now you come out, Momma." Vivian assured her she would and after Lilly left, Adam closed the bedroom door.

"Well," Vivian said, "I'll wager that you wish you could be rid of me as easily."

"I thought I was rid of you. What do you want?"

"I believe that's the second time you've asked me and my answer is the same—to see Lilly." Vivian went back to unpacking, turning her back to him.

Adam went up behind her and taking her by the waist, turned her brusquely to face him. "Don't turn your back on me. I asked you what it is you want-there has to be more-now answer me." Adam studied her exquisite face and he saw a small amount of fear in her eyes—and there was something else but he hesitated to think it was desire—desire for him. Adam smelled her perfume, a heady scent that made him light-headed or maybe it was just that Vivian was so very near, he never was certain. He couldn't help himself when it came to her and he held her firmly and urgently kissed her. "Oh, Vivian, why do I still love you?"

Vivian backed away from him and Adam's heart fell. But Vivian, watching him to gauge his response to her, sat on the bed and then lying back on the pillow, put out her arms to welcome him. "Oh, yes," Adam murmured and accepted her invitation to intimacy and Vivian wrapped her arms around him and met his ardor with her own, responded with equal fervor and with their maneuverings on the mattress, the portmanteau slid off the bed and landed with a thud on the floor.

Ben, sitting by the fireplace downstairs, looked up to the ceiling when he heard the thud. Hoss, who was eating a sandwich, stopped in mid-chew and looked up at the ceiling and then to his father.

"Pa, you don't think Adam done hurt her?"

"No—he wouldn't do that," but Ben listened, looking still at the ceiling and straining for another sound but all was relatively quiet. He breathed a sigh of relief and went back to his cigar and mail-order catalogue while Hoss went back to his huge sandwich and tall glass of milk.

Earlier, when the loaded buckboard had pulled up in the yard with Adam in the back and a new passenger, Hoss and Joe looked at one another questioningly. Hoss had been delighted to meet Vivian; he had warmed to her immediately and Joe, after he met Vivian and she had gone into the house, had turned to Hoss and given a low whistle of appreciation.

"If that's the kind of women they have up north, well, I'm packin' my bags and going visiting. I might even tell everyone I'm a Yankee!" Hoss had reprimanded Joe, saying that; it was a sin to feel that way about a relative—especially his brother's wife.

"Sinful, maybe—fun, yes. Besides, I can do anything I like in my imagination, Now I know where Lilly got her looks and if Lilly grows up to look like her mother—watch out! Adam's in for a rough time scaring the boys away from the door and her bedroom window!" Joe giggled and Hoss had to chuckle as well.

"Yeah, can't you see old Adam sittin' on his front porch with a loaded shotgun waitin' to blast the first boy who comes courtin' 'er?" At the picture of Adam as a protective father, they laughed again. Then Joe sighed, looked to Hoss and they carried in the luggage.

.


	18. Chapter 18

**Eighteen**

Adam tucked in his shirt and then bent to pull on his boots. "This shouldn't have happened. I shouldn't have given in to my baser urges." He glanced down at Vivian. She stretched her arms over her head and moved sinuously on the bed, her eyes half-closed; she looked to Adam like a woman who was sated and now indolent, too contented to move from the bed.

"Adam, isn't it what you wanted? It's what I wanted. It's what I've wanted since I saw you at the station. It was all I could do to keep from throwing myself at you and having you take me on the sidewalk. It's been so long and I've yearned for you so."

"You see," Adam said angrily. "That's why you make an unfit mother for Lilly. Because you enjoy nothing more than the sensual pleasures of the body. Is that what you'll teach her?"

"You hypocritical bastard," Vivian said, sitting upright. "First, you're no better than I am—we want each other—you enjoy me and I do you as well so does that make you a bad father? According to your convoluted logic, it does. Adam, there's nothing shameful in that but you—you want to be some stodgy, respectable gentleman and yet within you is a passionate man who has emotions deeper than most. That's why logic and rationality are gods almighty to you. You worship at their altar because you fear yourself so much, you fear the violence of your emotions. If you want to indulge in both sides of yourself, Adam, divorce me and then take me as your mistress. You would then have the best of both worlds—the respectability of a man who put aside his slut of a wife and who, as most hypocrites do, has a mistress. Would that make you happy?" Vivian's voice shook; she was close to breaking out in tears. "How many times are you going to break my heart, Adam, until you feel avenged?"

He felt as if he had received a full body blow. He knew that everything Vivian had said was true; he was afraid of himself, afraid of his emotions controlling him. But Vivian didn't understand how repugnant Adam found his behavior when he indulged the baser side of himself. That was the issue with Vivian; she put no boundaries on him, never refused him anything no matter how raw the act nor when or where. He needed help in keeping himself in check and received none from her. And that was what had made Laura such a good candidate for his wife. Adam knew that Laura would always behave as a self-respecting woman should. She would know how to remove temptation from him so that Adam wouldn't have the internal struggle he always did whenever he dealt with Vivian. The thought passed through his mind that both Laura and Vivian had been taken as young, inexperienced women—girls actually—and Laura turned out bitter and cold while Vivian learned how to use the act to her benefit but she loathed it as well. Then he remembered what Gregson had told him on that night that he was shot; Vivian had stated to Gregson that he, Adam, was the only man she had taken pleasure in because he was the only man she had ever loved—the only one who made her feel worthy, made her feel elevated by his desire for her.

Without saying anything else, Adam left the room, pulling the door closed behind him. Vivian stared at the closed door for a few seconds and then fell back on the bed and looked at the ceiling, blinking back tears. She prayed that she could hate Adam, would no longer love the handsome, dark-haired man who made her heart beat so quickly that she feared she would die of her intense love for him. But so far, her prayers had gone unanswered.

Dinner went smoothly except that Adam sat in a dark silence. Hop Sing was as enchanted with Vivian as he was with Lilly.

"Pretty mother of pretty girl," he had said and Vivian truly blushed. Adam noticed and wondered why men could flatter her, compare her to a Greek goddess, to Aphrodite or Helen of Troy and Vivian took it as her due but their Chinese cook could call her merely 'pretty' and she blushed with humility.

"Please give Momma a Chinese name, Hop Sing" Lilly pleaded.

"If Missy Lilly want. I give Missy Vivian Chinese name Mingyu. It mean bright jade. Jade most important stone, most valued stone in China. Missy Vivian skin glow like milky white jade and such beauty is for eternal time—last as long as jade."

"See, Momma. Now you have a name too!" Lily was happy. "See, Grandpa! Do you have a Chinese name?"

Adam spoke up for the first time during the meal. "Hop Sing's called him many Chinese names over the years and I'm sure all of them were descriptive."

The others laughed and Hop Sing nodded in agreement once he realized the joke. Vivian glanced at Adam who met her eye and almost smiled but she quickly looked away and found herself flushing thinking about earlier. She knew she had said hurtful things to him but she had wanted him to see that he was standing in the way of his own happiness—if not with her, then with someone else.

"Pa," Lilly said from the stairwell, "come up and say my prayers with me and Momma."

Roy Coffee had come calling for Mrs. Maxwell earlier. He was taking her to Carson City as they were having "some fancy doings." There was to be a street fair and a barn dance and Joe and Hoss said they were going too. They said they were going to keep an eye on Roy to make sure he behaved himself and took no liberties with Mrs. Maxwell. And Ben laughed to see Roy so uncomfortable since Roy delighted in teasing him at every opportunity. So Adam and his father sat alone downstairs smoking cigars and reading—Adam, an old novel he had enjoyed as a youth, _Robinson Crusoe_, and Ben caught up on the past days' issues of the _Territorial Enterprise_.

Ben looked up from his paper waiting for Adam to answer his daughter.

"Come here and I'll kiss you goodnight but you have your mother to say your prayers with you." Adam stood up and Lilly came running to him. He bent and swept her up and she was delighted, giggling in her father's arms. "How about kissing Grandpa goodnight?" Lilly nodded and as Adam held her, Lilly leaned over and when Adam held her next to Ben's chair, Ben moved toward her and Lilly bent down to kiss him.

"Goodnight, Pumpkin," Ben said. "Goodnight, sleep tight…" and in unison he and Lilly completed the saying, "…and don't let the bedbugs bite!" Lilly giggled again and then moved upright and as Adam carried her. She held Adam's face in her hands as they started upstairs.

"Pa," Lilly said in a whisper, "don't you love Momma anymore?"

"Why do you ask that?"

"You don't kiss her," Lilly said, looking down at Adam's shirt collar and playing with it so that she didn't have to look at him. "You used to always kiss her."

"Lilly, you shouldn't worry about such things. Even if I didn't love you mother, I'll always love you. You're my little Lillabeth." Adam carried her up the stairs.

"Uh-uh. If you can stop loving Momma then you might stop loving me."

"Never, Lilly, never." Adam pressed his daughter to him, holding her head; he felt that he couldn't hold her closely enough.

He paused outside the bedroom and then went in. Vivian was waiting dressed in a wrap.

"I brought this squirmy, little bundle to you. Do you want her or shall I just toss her out the window?"

"Toss me out the window, Pa!" Lilly said eagerly.

"Oh, no you don't" Vivian said as she took Lilly from Adam's arms. "What would I do without my Lilly?" Vivian put Lilly on the bed.

"You'd just have another one!" Lilly said, delighted with her answer.

"There could never be another Lilly," Vivian said, tickling her small daughter who giggled and laughed as she rolled on the bed.

Vivian looked up and saw that Adam was watching her.

"Goodnight, Adam."

He cleared his throat. "I think I should warn you that Lilly's prayers have enlarged. She wants to name every single beast on the Ponderosa. Be glad that we don't have individual names for every steer or she wouldn't get into bed until dawn."

Vivian smiled and seemed nervous. "Yes, well…I'll see what we can do about that." A pause ensued while Vivian appeared unsure of what should come next.

"Well, I'll leave you two alone. Goodnight," Adam said.

"Papa, aren't you going to kiss Momma goodnight?"

Adam turned and Lilly was looking at him, her face pure and innocent. He looked to Vivian who seemed surprised and unsure of his response.

"Of course," Adam said and walked the few steps to where Vivian stood. He leaned down and holding Vivian's chin, he gave her a perfunctory kiss. "Sleep well."

But Adam didn't sleep well. He stood in the darkness of his room and looked out the window at the vast expanse below. It was a crescent moon and Adam thought of a poem he had read so long ago about a man and his wife whose love went beyond the desires of the body. All those whose love was purely based on appearance and proximity were called "dull sublunary lovers" whose love couldn't withstand any separation because the love object was no longer in view. He whispered the lines he could remember, the section that had meant so much to him.

"But we by a love so much refined

That ourselves know not what it is,

Interassured of the mind,

Careless eyes, lips, and hands to miss.

Our two souls therefore, which are one,

Though I must go, endure not yet

A breach, but an expansion,

Like gold to airy thinness beat."

Adam wondered about how he felt about Vivian; so many feelings were entangled with her. He knew that he couldn't remain with a woman for whom he had no desire and he did desire Vivian, even now. He wondered if Lilly weren't with Vivian if he wouldn't have gone to her. And then he caught his breath at his sudden thought. Vivian had once been a child as Lilly was and had grown into a beautiful, young woman as Lilly would one day. But what had happened to Vivian he would never be able to bear should it happen to Lilly. So why was he so angry with Vivian?

Because she had deceived him. That's what it all came down to. She had lied to him, hidden the truth from him and had initially taken money to pay Gregson and then sold the gems from her jewelry—jewelry he had bought for her. But if she hadn't told him, then she must have been afraid to. Was he so intimidating? Was she so unsure that he loved her? Or was she just afraid to risk it?

Vivian had withstood Gregson's leering advances, his touching her and his salacious comments all because she didn't want to lose her husband and her child.

Adam pulled on his robe, stuck his feet in his slippers and went down the hall to Vivian's room. He opened the door and saw his wife and child sleeping soundly. Vivian was on her side facing Lilly who lay with her hair spread out on the pillow, a mass of dark curls like a halo about her head. Adam stood and watched them and he was struck with a sudden tenderness for Vivian. Had she looked like Lilly as she slept over twenty years ago? Had she liked playing games, singing songs, running in the yard and had she laughed the way Lilly did, hug her father goodnight and love her mother and have her love returned? Had Vivian been treated tenderly? Had she been cherished?

Vivian woke for no apparent reason and sat up in surprise at seeing somewhere at the foot of her bed. Adam motioned for her to shush and for her to follow him and she did, picking up her wrap as she left the room and closed the door.

"What is it, Adam?" She slipped her arms through the sleeves and tied the sash.

"We need to...talk." Adam led her to his room and Vivian wondered what he really wanted.


	19. Chapter 19

**Nineteen**

"Are you going to tell me that you're taking my dubious suggestion to divorce me and then make me your mistress?" Vivian asked once they were inside the bedroom. With the door closed.

"No." Adam found that now he couldn't find the words to express what he felt, what had led him to wake Vivian. He had so many things that he wanted to say, to tell Vivian but they refused to be uttered. Vivian realized that Adam was conflicted and she was certain it was about their marriage. Did he still want her? She was afraid to ask.

"So this is you room?" Vivian asked as she looked around. Adam had lit the lamp and it cast a soft glow about the room.

"Yes, this was my room up until I moved away." Adam glanced at the room as if seeing it for the first time.

Vivian looked around. "Were you a naughty child, Adam? Were you sent much to your room?"

"No. As a child, I tried to be good—always tried to be good. I wanted my father to approve of me. I wanted him to love me and then when Hoss came, I wanted him to love me the best."

"Did you think he didn't love you?" Vivian turned to look at him. She was puzzled as Ben was so warm and obviously loved Lilly; of that, Vivian had no doubt. And although Adam always said that Lilly resembled her mother, Vivian saw Adam in her-not only in Lily's looks but in her personality as well and so it only seemed that Ben would have not just loved Adam, but been inordinately proud of his handsome, intelligent son.

"No, it wasn't that. I knew he loved me but…I was always afraid of losing that love. I always tried to do the right thing, to do what was expected of me but I was never sure what that was. For almost six years it was just the two of us and I had to take on quite a bit of responsibility. My father worked hard—he always kept me warm and safe and fed but I was just a boy and needed my father around but…he had to support us so I was left alone quite a bit." Adam chuckled. "You know what I used to do to pass the time and to ease my fears? I was always afraid that something would happen to him and he wouldn't come home. I used to worry about it so much that I'd cry—I still remember the panic when he'd be late and night would fall. I'd watch at the window and try to conjure him and then I'd see him."

"What did you do?" She gazed at him. With his hair tousled she could imagine him as a small boy and she wanted to comfort the frightened child he had been.

"I used to tell myself stories—fantastical stories where I was the brave, strong hero and I would rescue a beautiful princess from dragons and black knights and we would live happily ever after." Adam smiled and shook his head at his youthful foolishness.

"And so you rescued me…" Vivian let her voice die out. "What about when you were older? What then? After Joe came along?"

"I became sarcastic, nasty, rebellious—always angry it seemed, and I'm surprised my father didn't take me out and shoot me like a mad dog. I _dared_ anyone to love me—especially Marie, Joe's mother. I was no cuddly child anymore and I resented her. She tried to win me over but I was determined to resist her efforts. I used my education and intelligence as a weapon, treating my father and her as if he was just some ignorant farmer and Marie, a lowly Creole from New Orleans. I thought that if he could love me behaving the way I did then he must really love me. I still accuse my father of sending me away to college just to be rid of me." Adam smiled and Vivian responded in kind. Then Adam sighed in resignation. "I was cruel not to—to let so many years go by without contact with him and not bringing Lilly to see him or inviting him out; He would have come. I didn't mean it to be that way. Funny how time passes and your life flies by. Makes me think that I should all the more cherish what I have."

Vivian walked over to Adam's desk and ran one hand over the tops of the upright rolls of paper that held Adam's early sketches. He watched her as she moved, thinking how elegant she was, how very lovely.

"I would know this was your room by these, and those," she said pointing at the bookcase. She walked over and Adam watched her. "All these books. So many." She pulled out a book and looked at the spine. "_The Sonnets of John Donne_. I should read this and all these books. Then maybe I could understand you."

Adam walked over and stood behind her. "I was thinking of a Donne sonnet just tonight. It reminded me of us; it's about a husband and a wife parting for a time and yet they're never really separated and I realized that I had to find out what held us together—if anything." By her shoulders, Adam gently turned Vivian to face him. "I know we have Lilly in common—and if I haven't thanked you enough for her, I'm sorry. For her, I'll always be grateful—forever grateful. Tell me, Vivian, did anyone love you like we love Lilly when you were a child?"

"That's an odd question?"

"I want to know."

"I don't know if it was the same—I think that no one has ever loved their child as much as I do Lilly but I felt loved—but it didn't last long. My mother died, my father couldn't care for me and I was given to an aunt to raise. She was killed—murdered by a lover while I cowered under my bed. Then I was sent to a relative. What our relation was, I never quite knew. But she and her husband ran a mercantile and I was put to work to earn my keep. When I grew older and I suppose I became too pretty for him to resist me, I ran away. He used to try to grope me in the store, to come visit me at night in my room and I wouldn't have it. I used to move a chest in front of the door to keep him out. But then I found that all men wanted me that way. Some male customers in the store used to pat my buttocks or move against me as if by accident. They were all the same—all men so why shouldn't I take advantage of it—use what I had to support myself?

"I went to Chicago, applied for a house staff job and a very nice man, Samuel Spry, hired me. I was to be the upstairs maid. I quickly realized that I was the upstairs maid because that's where the bedrooms were. But he was kind to me and being with him wasn't as horrible as I thought it would be. For room and board and nice clothes, it seemed a fair exchange and I didn't even have to work.

"Then he had a debt to Frederico Porcini, an Italian expatriate. It seemed that Porcini had smuggled many valuable Roman antiquities out of the country and therefore, couldn't return. I was given to him at 17 to remove the debt. Porcini was a horrid man. I don't want to talk about him…Gregson told you only part of it. I left one night—I took nothing but one Gladstone bag with as many of my clothes as I could stuff in it. The jewelry I owned, I wore—all of it. I sold off the jewelry as I traveled and made it to New York. I was basically penniless the day I showed for the job with you. I waited, expecting you to tell me that I could have the job if I would lay on my back but you didn't. I began to fall in love with you then."

"I was cruel…"

"Oh, Adam, don't you see? You didn't leer at me and make suggestive remarks. You saw I had no hirable skills and so you weren't going to take me on. You were going to send me away. I know that Drake Wells asked you to hire me—he told me many times that I owed my job to him-but I only wanted you and it wasn't for your wealth, Adam, although that didn't make you less desirable."

Adam smiled wryly. "No, I would imagine not."

"Why did you wake me, Adam? I assumed at first it was to lay with me but…you seem…sad, subdued." Vivian moved closer and reached up and touched his cheek. "Sandpaper," she said. Adam smiled and took her hand and kissed it.

"Vivian, I was always focused on not taking you back but now…let me ask you, would you ever take me back? Would you consider it?" He still held her hand and looked imploringly at her.

"I never thought anything else, Adam. You're my husband and I love you—you'll never know how very much."

Adam pulled Vivian to him and held her tightly. "Oh, Vivian, thank you. I'm not worthy of your love—I've been so cruel, so…"

"Adam," she whispered, "I love you best and I always will."

Adam felt a sudden lightness about his heart. He wanted to shout, to sing of his joy but instead, he kissed Vivian, feeling the remembered softness of her lips and the suppleness of her body as she responded to him. He had his wife back and she loved him, loved him best and ah, how he loved her.

~ Finis ~


End file.
